Sunday, November 14, 2010

I was reading THIS blog over at 3 Babes, 2 Jens, 1 Cause - Embryo Adoption the other day. The posting of an excerpt from an egg donation booklet published by Freedom Pharmacy really got me. Here is what is said:
“Perhaps the greatest myth surrounds pregnancy. Many believe the uterus is simply an incubator. Nothing could be further from the truth. The most important aspect of all pregnancies- including egg donation pregnancies- is that as the fetus grows, every cell in the developing body is built out of the pregnant mother’s body. Tissue from her uterine lining will contribute to the formation of the placenta, which will link her and her child. The fetus will use her body’s protein, then she will replace it. The fetus uses her sugars, calcium, nitrates, and fluids, and she will replace them. So, if you think of your dream child as your dream house, the genes provide merely a basic blueprint, the biological mother takes care of all the materials and construction, from the foundation right on up to the light fixtures. So, although her husband’s aunt Sara or the donor’s grandfather may have genetically programmed the shape of the new baby’s earlobe, the earlobe itself is the pregnant woman’s “flesh and blood.” That means the earlobe, along with the baby herself, grew from the recipient’s body. That is why she is the child’s biological mother. That is why this child is her biological child.”
Over time I have had a really hard time explaining why I believe there are three components of having a child: male DNA, female DNA, and the carrying the child. I guess what I should really say is growing the child. This is why I really love the the construction metaphor's explanation of the DNA being the blueprint and carrying the child as the actual building. 

When Fairyeggs told me that she wanted to do this for me (while I silently cried), she said something to the effect that if my body needed a kidney she wouldn't hesitate to give me hers. So the difference of giving me an egg wasn't really different. I thought I understood how she felt, but this explanation really gives me a deeper understanding of why I felt okay about it so quickly. I think she got this way before I ever did - probably because she's already a mom. 

While I feel incredibly lucky to have been able to carry baby E, it wouldn't matter how he came to me - dropped off by the stork, from my own eggs, whatever. Hands down, he's still the best thing to ever come into my life. The labels of biological mom or donor eggs don't really come into my radar. The only label that really matters to me is that I am called his mom. 



  1. You make me proud to be your friend! You are his Mom, down to the very fiber of his being!

  2. What a neat post. I worry that my intended recipient won't feel as emotionally connected to any baby she might carry that isn't hers as she has had one child of her own... I really hope she does whrn we get are cycle under way.

  3. I donated my eggs years ago (long before I knew I would have issues of my own) and I've had a million people look at me like I was crazy as I've tried to explain how NOT MINE those babies are. How much more involved their mother, who carried them, was than I could ever have pretended to be.

    This is one of the most beautiful explanations I have ever seen for it though. I love it!

  4. I love this post and it totally made me cry.
    Though if you look at it from the point of view of a mother who uses a surrogate it kind of sucks. I would say that there are 2 biological mothers and one biological father, with everyone serviing their purpose.
    In the end, the mother and father are the people that raise the child.

  5. I read something similar to this regarding embryo adoption. We are having our little adopted embryo baby in just two days (God bless the scheduled repeat c-section)....I do have a biological son (after too much grief, loss, expense and fert treatments)....but I must far...I feel no different about this baby....Rationally I know her genes are not mine or my husband's....but she is sooo ours...just like our son and the feelings are no different than when I carried him. I will know in a couple days if that changes once she is in arms...but I highly doubt it. Being a mother is being a mother....the genetic ties really have very little to do with it.

  6. That is a fabulous explanation. The donor counselor pointed out similar things when we were considering donor embryos, and with our donor sperm. I have missed a bunch of posts! Sorry! I am glad you are still you said, the milk part is what is can cuddle as you feed him :) I am proud of you.