“Perhaps the greatest myth surrounds pregnancy. Many believe the uterus is simply an incubator. Nothing could be further from the truth. The most important aspect of all pregnancies- including egg donation pregnancies- is that as the fetus grows, every cell in the developing body is built out of the pregnant mother’s body. Tissue from her uterine lining will contribute to the formation of the placenta, which will link her and her child. The fetus will use her body’s protein, then she will replace it. The fetus uses her sugars, calcium, nitrates, and fluids, and she will replace them. So, if you think of your dream child as your dream house, the genes provide merely a basic blueprint, the biological mother takes care of all the materials and construction, from the foundation right on up to the light fixtures. So, although her husband’s aunt Sara or the donor’s grandfather may have genetically programmed the shape of the new baby’s earlobe, the earlobe itself is the pregnant woman’s “flesh and blood.” That means the earlobe, along with the baby herself, grew from the recipient’s body. That is why she is the child’s biological mother. That is why this child is her biological child.”Over time I have had a really hard time explaining why I believe there are three components of having a child: male DNA, female DNA, and the carrying the child. I guess what I should really say is growing the child. This is why I really love the the construction metaphor's explanation of the DNA being the blueprint and carrying the child as the actual building.
When Fairyeggs told me that she wanted to do this for me (while I silently cried), she said something to the effect that if my body needed a kidney she wouldn't hesitate to give me hers. So the difference of giving me an egg wasn't really different. I thought I understood how she felt, but this explanation really gives me a deeper understanding of why I felt okay about it so quickly. I think she got this way before I ever did - probably because she's already a mom.
While I feel incredibly lucky to have been able to carry baby E, it wouldn't matter how he came to me - dropped off by the stork, from my own eggs, whatever. Hands down, he's still the best thing to ever come into my life. The labels of biological mom or donor eggs don't really come into my radar. The only label that really matters to me is that I am called his mom.