I was reading THIS blog over at 3 Babes, 2 Jens, 1 Cause - Embryo Adoption the other day. The posting of an excerpt from an egg donation booklet published by Freedom Pharmacy really got me. Here is what is said:

“Perhaps the greatest myth surrounds pregnancy. Many believe the uterus is simply an incubator. Nothing could be further from the truth. The most important aspect of all pregnancies- including egg donation pregnancies- is that as the fetus grows, every cell in the developing body is built out of the pregnant mother’s body. Tissue from her uterine lining will contribute to the formation of the placenta, which will link her and her child. The fetus will use her body’s protein, then she will replace it. The fetus uses her sugars, calcium, nitrates, and fluids, and she will replace them. So, if you think of your dream child as your dream house, the genes provide merely a basic blueprint, the biological mother takes care of all the materials and construction, from the foundation right on up to the light fixtures. So, although her husband’s aunt Sara or the donor’s grandfather may have genetically programmed the shape of the new baby’s earlobe, the earlobe itself is the pregnant woman’s “flesh and blood.” That means the earlobe, along with the baby herself, grew from the recipient’s body. That is why she is the child’s biological mother. That is why this child is her biological child.”

Over time I have had a really hard time explaining why I believe there are three components of having a child: male DNA, female DNA, and the carrying the child. I guess what I should really say is growing the child. This is why I really love the the construction metaphor's explanation of the DNA being the blueprint and carrying the child as the actual building. 



When Fairyeggs told me that she wanted to do this for me (while I silently cried), she said something to the effect that if my body needed a kidney she wouldn't hesitate to give me hers. So the difference of giving me an egg wasn't really different. I thought I understood how she felt, but this explanation really gives me a deeper understanding of why I felt okay about it so quickly. I think she got this way before I ever did - probably because she's already a mom. 


While I feel incredibly lucky to have been able to carry baby E, it wouldn't matter how he came to me - dropped off by the stork, from my own eggs, whatever. Hands down, he's still the best thing to ever come into my life. The labels of biological mom or donor eggs don't really come into my radar. The only label that really matters to me is that I am called his mom. 


xoxo

Does it bother me?

I was talking to Fairyeggs the other day when I wondered something. But I didn't know if I should ask. I didn't know if it might bring up unexpected feelings. I didn't know if I would be opening a can of worms.


Fairyeggs, does baby E look like you? 


I'm sure at some point in our friendship that I have seen baby pictures of her, but I couldn't really recall much. I never really thought about asking her to see a picture because what did it matter? I was certainly going to think my son was the cutest thing on earth when he came (smile). 


Yet in this passing question. it seemed like a myriad of emotions could erupt. Sometimes I wonder if they will surface in her unexpectedly. I wonder if I should watch what I say.


It sounds all dramatic, but it really wasn't that big of a deal because as usual we can discuss anything. My moment of questioning passed as I remembered the strength of our relationship. The trust that I have in her to discuss something if it bothered her came flooding back. This is why we were able to do this in the first place!


So I laughed at myself and then asked her. 


Wouldn't you know, she wanted to ask me if I thought he looked like her! 


Giggle. 


Like me, she didn't know if she should ask. She didn't know if it might bother me.


Aren't we the most considerate friends?

xoxo

Small things

There are some days where I still can not believe that I am so lucky that our third time was a charm (along with some kicking Fairyeggs of course). This blog has helped me in so many ways in simply getting through the days that led up to this. I have really appreciated everyone known and unknown who comments and supports me. Without this, I really don't know if I would have every made the choices that led me up to where we are now. 

That being said, I get that it is incredibly painful for some of my fellow infertiles to continue to read about my happiness. If you must go, I understand. I hope that the future brings you peace and success in building your families. But, I really hope that you'll stay.

~~~~~~~

My hubby and I were able to escape to a city about an hour south of us and hit up a few stores. We are trying to put together a survival pack in case anything happens on our big adventure north. Those purchases didn't go so well, but I was able to hit up the shops for some maternity jeans, soft shorts, and a very cute dress. The dress was great because it actually covered up the girls completely which can be hard sometimes for me! I also scored a pair of Merrell winter boots for 1/2 price which will be helpful when we move to the land of snow! Finally, we hit up Old Navy for my hubby's favorite flag shirt which he buys every year. We also bought our first baby item in the picture at the bottom. :)

Seeing how incredibly tiny the little onesie is brought it home for me that this is happening. That this really could happen. In mere months there could be a little squirmy baby inside. I think my heart melted.

xoxo

Silly

My husband thinks my worries about disclosure are kind of silly. It is what it is, right? He also said, "I didn't know that using donor eggs was a secret. I've told a ton of people!" I explained that it is not a secret at all! The only reason I haven't told some people is simply from being tired of talking about it. My husband admonished me that it is the perfect chance to educate people. :) He's such a good man, I really appreciate his openness and honesty about the process.

Fairyeggs called and we had a lovely discussion about subject. She worried a little bit that I was regretting going forward with the donor eggs. I can say with the utmost confidence, not at all. I simply want to have my view on disclosure worked out so that all involved feel good about the choice. Needless to say, she was incredibly supportive of being honest from the get-go. 

Loves to all. Hope you had a great weekend.

xoxo

What IF?

Project "What IF" has started over at Mel's Stirrup Queen site. Here is my "what if" down at comment 201:


What IF I had never been brave enough to face using donor eggs? What IF I had never had a friend like FairyEggs who loved me enough to give me her eggs?


There are literally so many "what if" questions you ask yourself while navigating the world of IF. These two questions are happy questions for me in a time where I've been asking myself some very tough questions. 


Feelings associated with the infertility process have not simply disappeared with my apparent success at getting knocked up.  For me, with using donor eggs, I'm finally working through some of the aspects of what to tell my child. While I won't be meeting my child for awhile, this came up when my sister mentioned scrapbooking some of the pictures of Fairyeggs and I out in California. It's a seemingly innocuous thing however it could have enormous implications in the future with identifying my donor. 


Most of you know that I have been extremely open about my struggles with infertility. When it would come up in conversation, I was simply straight forward with people. When it came to using donor eggs, we weren't quite so forthcoming and kind of just left it as another IVF try to most people except close friends and family. I'm not ashamed of using donor eggs, however, it seemed like just another thing to explain.


Fairyegg's privacy was also an issue initially. Would people look at my child askance when we were visiting together? Would people question if my child was really hers? Both of had lots of questions that we didn't have answers for when we first chose to move forward with egg donation. However, like anything in our friendship, we would just deal with it as it came as there was no way to foresee what might arise. Later in the process, Fairyeggs' started not really caring what people thought as she became more comfortable with the idea.


In my research on the topic of disclosing the fact that my child was conceived during egg donation, I have learned that like adopted children, if it's not a shock, then it's not really a big deal. When children find out about circumstances of their birth that differ from what is "normal," they often feel betrayed and disillusioned. However, if a child is told from the get go, it seems like it simply part of their story and not really that big of a deal. Knowing this, I have always planned to disclose this to my child, so I never had to hide it during pediatrician visits. 


What I didn't know though was whether or not I would tell them who the donor was. I figured that simply creating a profile sheet on Fairyeggs would be appropriate so my child would know their medical and cultural history. However I wonder with everyone who knows if eventually the information would be disclosed accidently. I certainly do not want this to happen! Similarly, I would never want my child to dream about a fantasy life with his or her genetic mother. Disclosing this early usually prevents this kind of situation which I would like to avoid. 


This of course brings up further questions with what kind of relationship my child has with Fairyeggs and how my child views Fairyegg's kids and family....do you see the tangle this creates? So, I brought this up on the Parents Via Egg Donation (PVED) website where I got some advice. The fact of the matter is that my child will take his or her cue from how my husband and I act. If we treat it like normal, then more than likely so will the child. Explaining that my eggs didn't work and I had someone who loved me so she gave me some of hers so I could have a baby, could be very matter of fact. Understanding his or her relationship with Auntie Fairyeggs could also be pretty normal.


I thought the hardest thing about being pregnant was going to be getting pregnant. However, the questions and feeling have obviously not stopped. I am forever grateful that I have the chance to make these decisions even if they are hard for me. I am thankful that I had the strength to let go of my genetics so I could have a family. Moreover, I am forever indebted to Fairyeggs for her gift and her friendship that allows me to have a choice about these issues. 


xoxo

Blastos

Two little blastos sitting in my ute
N-e-s-t-i-n-g
First comes rest
Then comes a test
Then come a baby in a baby carriage!

Yes, I know that I'm way too chipper right now. The transfer went well this morning and was followed with a nice round of acupuncture. With his usual bluntness, my doc came in and told me that we had one excellent, one good and the rest were crap! I took it with a grain of salt because I have never even had a five day transfer before so I figure my chances are still increased from previous cycles. Whoot! Even though Fairyeggs was disappointed, she remained pretty positive at the thought of these two. I'm forever grateful to her regardless of what happens. :) And now, I will be laying here on the couch relaxing away!

xoxo

Quiet Lull

Right now I'm in the quiet lull between Fairyegg and Tink's departure and the transfer. Even though the nurse told me that they would call me the day before transfer to let me know when to come in, my nefarious plan was to bug them until they told me how my embies were doing. I was completely shut down as the nurse told me that they don't do reports. Boo!

It's probably better in the long run because I'm not obsessing over the details. Can you believe that I am not even playing doctor google either? It's strange, but I am completely calm. I feel like I've completely let go of this cycle since I watched it vicariously through Fairyegg's worries and now am heading towards a five-day transfer. Relinquishing control is kind of nice.

Right now I'm just trying to focus on resting and kicking this bug's hiney as my throat has been so swollen that I lost my voice for two days and have been snoring up a storm since I can't breathe at night. HOT, I say. I bet my husband is sad he is missing this special moment with me. Regardless, I now have antibiotics that I am cleared to take until the day before transfer. Already, I am loving my little Amoxicillin.

I had kind of a funny conversation with how many to transfer with my husband. We've never had a choice before and simply transfered the one good one during round one and the two stragglers during round two. Should we round it off with three for round three? My hubby just wants whatever has the best chance of getting me knocked up. I really have no idea but want to keep reasonable since I have high albeit controlled, blood pressure. We'll see if we have a choice by day five. Any thoughts?

So Thursday should be the big day! Send me lots of prayers, happy thoughts, good vibes.

xoxo

FairyEggs departure...for now

This is Fairy Eggs here with a Woot Woot! We are thrilled with the results even though I am a "bad egg donor." In your face with advanced maternal age!!! I am coming down off of the hormone roller coaster and very excited to see my family again after 10 days. I have had a great time here with Jenicini's family and now it is time to go home and see my own. I am so appreciative of her Mom and Dad and Sister for treating me like family and accepting my moods.

I am also very thankful that I have a family that is so supportive of what we have done.  I couldn’t have done this without all of their support and understanding. Thanks Mom for not listening to me about it being too much to come out.  Thanks for the help with Tink! I couldn’t have done it without everyone because Tink is crazy! I also have to think of something really awesome to do for my husband because he was the one who encouraged me to do this in the first place.  Any ideas? 

I also appreciate all of the support from other bloggers.  You keep us buoyed with your great thoughts and wishes.  I have thoroughly enjoyed coming to know some of you through your blogs and wish everyone success in the crazy fertility world!  I will be lurking……..

xoxo

The hope and joy of it...

As the day has gone by, I have been filled with a hope and joy that I haven't felt in a long time. Infertility has given us so many slaps in the face, so many rugs pulled out from under us, so many big fat FUs that I have simply lost count of the number of bad days. We manage to pick ourselves up, grin, find some remnant of hope, and move onto the next step. Yet the step doesn't have quite the same amount of bounce that the previous one did. It's exhausting.

But today Fairyegg's gift to us finally came to fruition, and I am simply astounded with the idea that I might have an actual chance. It's real. I'll have to actually write a post about how I feel about Fairyegg's gift, but it's 3:13 am and I most certainly won't do it justice. I can't believe that I actually had good news today.

I'm not naive. I know that tomorrow everything might come crashing down in a heap of crap. But today, I am just enjoying the fact that today is a good day. Today I have hope. Today I have an effing chance that all these machinations might DO something. It's the rarest hope and joy in our cloudy IF world.

xoxo

Blast off with a little HCG!

Well ladies and gents, we are blasting off tonight with a little HCG at 9 pm tonight!

Today the four of us trotted off to Westwood this morning for another date with the dildo cam. Yes, that would be four of us because FairyEgg's mom finally arrived to join the party! Whoot! She stayed with Tink in the playroom while we went in for our check. FairyEggs literally was so nervous that she felt like she was going to puke on the way down there. As of now there are about five mature eggs and five smaller ones still coming along. We obviously don't want to lose the five that are ready to go so we are triggering tonight!

FairyEggs literally had tears running down her face as we were talking to the nurse because she was disappointed with the number. It didn't help that Dr. Leprechaun has some issues with tact as he said, "You are not a good donor." I immediately piped up with, "No, you are a good donor!" Groan, can't you phrase that some other way? Anyway, while we were talking to the nurse she said, "He's rude sometimes, just ignore him." Can you not see that they have dealt with this before? Anyway, while we were reviewing our instructions with the nurse, I started bouncing around. How can I not? I might not be getting twenty eggs from a twenty-one year old little thang. But I am going to get around five eggs from a girl who can obviously have healthy children and who happens to be one of the dearest people in my life. All I need is for some of those eggs to be good ones! At this point I just don't care about the other crap! This process is all about taking everything one day at a time and dealing with things as they come. Today, I'm happy because I have a chance. It seems better than what I've had so far.

Retrieval is set for Saturday at 9 am.

Faith, trust and a little pixie dust. :) xoxo

Stim Day 11

It's hard for me to be hopeful during the cycle right now. I caught some nasty germ from the airport or mouseland that now has me feeling like death warmed over. I literally slept all day today trying to knock it out.  After all, this is really not the freaking time to get sick! My throat is killing me and my body literally feels like a truck ran over me, backed up to see what it hit, and then decided to put me out of my misery with one last smush. . . Some of the stuff kind of comes and goes, but overall, it just keeps coming.

Monday we went back to the doctor's office which definitely has a different atmosphere than my last clinic. I'm not so much concerned about the atmosphere as I am with how FairyEggs feels and the outcome. My first lining check was great at 10 mm with a triple stripe. Whoot. FairyEgg's ten follicles were actually measured this time and ranged from 8 - 12 mm. The doc thinks that the egg retrieval will be pushed to Sunday which is the day before FairyEggs is scheduled to go home. Argh! I don't want her to travel that quickly, but I guess we'll have to roll with it! We are also unsure with what happens to the eggs when you stim for twelve (or more) days. We're hoping for quality eggs.

Tomorrow FairyEgg's mom comes to visit and help out in just being here for her daughter. They really have a beautiful relationship, and I love them both dearly.

With this cycle, I have definitely reverted back to guarding my heart very carefully. I want this to happen, but I dare not hope or get ahead of myself in the planning. One step at a time right? I am also bogged down in the day to day reality of the waiting. Besides the cyle, I think about spending quality time with FairyEggs, Tink, and my family, keeping up with my work schedule from home, staying connected with my hubby and helping him edit his Masters papers, and helping out around the house.

After plunking down another $750 for FDA labs that have already been run, but have to be done again within 30 days of the egg donation and another $1k on medications, I think my husband finally tapped out. He said to me the other day that we should plan on this being our last cycle.  As much as I figured this would be our last try at a fresh cycle, I've still been considering embryo donation as an option if this cycle doesn't work out. Who knows? Day by day.

xoxo

Family & Cycle Update

The whole point of this journey is to grow our family. So it seems so ironic that now, right now is when we lose someone. My brother-in-law did pass away on Monday a few minutes after they removed the respirator. I'm so glad that two of his kids were there to be with him in his final moments. They are planning to do a memorial service sometime in the upcoming months when all of the family can get together. I know that there is anger and sadness amongst the family, so I hope that by that time, some of the anger will have passed. My nephew was incredibly sweet in telling me that we could wait until I was done with this cycle so I could be there, since I'm family.

Today I was thinking about the loss of my BIL in terms of our future family. Some of my favorite memories as a kid are with my aunts, uncles, and numerous cousins. Towel fights, fourth of July firecrackers, thanksgiving meals, lots of hugs and head rumples... I'm sad that my kids won't know their crazy uncle and whatever fun he would have had.

****

Our cycle is indeed continuing on schedule. FairyEggs wrote me an email the other night saying she felt like a pincushion. I laughed knowing exactly the feeling. Her first bruise came to visit on day three thanks to some handy work by her husband. I mean that in the nicest of ways since I always had several little bruises dotting my stomach! The other good news is she's feeling swollen and the muffin top is starting to come to visit! I'm hoping that this is a good sign that the drugs are in fact working. Wheee! It's torture to wait until day seven to see how the follies are doing! Torture I tell you!

Tonight I got to do my own little twist for my delestrogen shot on my right upper butt cheek since hubby was at a night class. Hehe. Apparently he is better at it that I am since I immediately spurted some vampire juice and he has yet to breech a vein. Hmmph.

In two days we'll be heading to California....then the fun will really start!

xoxo

Poke

Since my hubby doesn't get to poke me to get pregnant, I made him poke me with my 1.5 inch needle. baw-hah-hah

Yes, I feel like a complete newbie right now. After a year of IUIs and two IVF cycles, you would think that somewhere along the way, he would have given me a shot of some type of wacky drug. No, no, no, those pesky deployments relieved him of all of past needle duties. By the time he returned home for the last cycle, I certainly didn't need his help. I was much too busy showing him what a pro I was at it.

Tonight, I had to do the upper right buttock area which I can do with a little twist, but quite frankly my whole body hurts. Whatever crappy BC pill they gave me has unleashed a monster wave of pain and headaches along with my dear AF.  So, I had to coax him a bit.

He felt all relieved when he didn't have to stick me with the 18 gauge needle, but quickly grimaced when he realized the 22 gauge poker was still an inch and a half long.

"I have to stick the whole thing in?" he asked.

"Yes, dear." Grin.

So my first shot of estrogen is done. Meanwhile on the other side of the country, FairyEggs got her period so we're in sync and completely on schedule without any extra labs to do. Go us!

xoxo

The daily

My Day:

Today I went to organic produce heaven, aka Trader Joes. Okay, I'm sure Whole Paycheck has more, but I love my little TJ's stores. I was also able to buy bread, marinara sauce, and a plethora of other goodies without five tons of the white death (salt) in it. No, I didn't drive two hours just to go there, but it was the highlight of my day.

Today I had to run up to Saint Louis for my ancient but sturdy Volvo's leaking steering fluid thingy. The best part about waiting at the dealership is that they have a huge comfy leather couch and overstuffed chair to wait in. One nap later, I was on my way.

The cycle:

The devil drug, Lupron, is hitting FairyEggs pretty hard. She's on a higher dose of it than I was at 15 units but will be dropping down to 10 units on Saturday when she starts the stim meds.

And I must admit that my inner cheerleader is doing cartwheels with the mere thought of FairyEggs actually starting herstimulation meds. Cartwheel people. FairyEgg's Saturday's stim meds will include 275 iu Follistim and 75 of Menopur and continue until her first ultrasound at day seven. For my cycles, I was always monitored at day three, so it seems endless to wait until day seven to peek at her follies.  I'm just crossing my fingers that she responds well to the meds.

Meanwhile, tomorrow is my first shot of this cycle with 0.2 cc of E2V....some sort of estrogen. The lovely part of this E2V shot is that it only happens every three days. While growing lining has never been a problem for me, it seems like other people doing FETs and such are on a lot more meds. Any thoughts?

As my parting thought for tonight, I have decided that my chance of getting pregnant has gone exponentially up since hell has frozen over and a Republican now has Kennedy's seat in Massachusetts. No, I'm not including political commentary here, I just never thought that would happen! So if a Republican can get elected in Mass, maybe an infertile girl can get knocked up. It could happen!

xoxo

My Fairy is a CHAMP!

I just want to let you all know that FairyEggs had her first shot of Lupron yesterday. And the best part was, she took it like a champ! I was a little worried about the whole needles bit since she wouldn't even come into the kitchen when she came to visit and I was shooting up! Apparently, Mr. FE took over and stuck her. hehehe. I hear other members of the fam are also lining up for their turn at jabbing her.

It is so very strange not to be in the middle of it all. So while I sit over here eating my bonbons, FairyEggs is getting stuck with the Lupron demon. Hmmm....

I am feeling much better today after a little medicated help and some good walks with my doggie. The warm sunshine and balmy fifty-degree weather has been a nice change since our recent negative two temperatures. You know when it's colder in Missouri than in Anchorage that something is not normal!

I have virtual mounds of papers to grade (since they are all posted online), but I've been plugging away this week and will continue this weekend. Hubby's masters classes are keeping him hopping along with his papers that are due for his military training course. So I imagine this lovely MLK four day weekend will be spent attached to our laptops.

One thing that definitely brightened up my day was Nicole's news at All Grown Up. She's been such a pleasure to follow on her adoption path. I was literally doing a happy dance for her. :) There are so many hard things that we deal with in our family building, that we've got to cheer for every happy day like hers.

xoxo

ailure with a capital F

I have absolutely nothing to be depressed about because there are so many freaking good things in my life. But the fact of the matter is that I've been in the dumps. Can't write blogs without hating them. Can't say what I really want to. Don't really want to get out of bed.

In fact my bed calls to me the siren song of egyptian cotton and a soft sleep# setting of 35 which Sweetpea and I both go for. I want to go there pretty much 24-7 and with my feet slid under her for warmth and a book in my hand until I slip into oblivion. Because if I'm asleep I really don't have to think of much.

If I'm in oblivion I don't have to feel like a failure for not working more than I do, for not knowing when I should refuse a shipment because they turn my Nordictrack on end instead of laying it flat like instructed, for not going to exercise, for drinking my DietDrPepper with evil caffeine, for having endless cravings for mintchocolatechipicecreamwithasecondscoopofrockyroadfrombaskinrobins, for procrastinating my endless grading. . .

None of this should rationally be a reason for me to feel like I'm swimming in the failure bucket.  The fact is that I'm approaching another situation where failure is reasonable and even probable. Thirty-seven percent of people in this situation at my clinic "are unsuccessful." Have you ever noticed that unsuccessful has a big FU in it? Yep, that's exactly what this would be.

While Fairyeggs might not be twenty-one, she's healthy, strong and fertile. She's had three children in the not too distant past. If I can't get knocked up with her eggs, then I have to wonder if it's more than just crappy eggs.

This has to be it.  Just like fertility drugs and IVF cycles had to be it. This delusion of hope that I have is simply going to wreck me, again. I know this. I know this, and I still have hope inside of me.

I'd just rather go to bed than think about all of this.

xoxo

FairyEggs

Here I am again!  This is real!  We are going through with this!  Sometimes it still feels unreal that fifteen years after meeting J that we will be going through this together.  I think this makes us related now.  I feel like she is my sister, so now we can just make it official! 

I am excited and admittedly a little nervous.  I will be taking crazy drugs (that I heard will make me a bit fat and have a mean headache) and leaving my family for ten days.  I have never been away from my husband that long in the ten years we have been married.  Not to mention the two other kids I will be leaving at home.  Thankfully I have a great friend who will be keeping them and is hugely supportive and a WONDERFUL husband who thinks this is a great idea! 

I also have to say thanks to the entire family who will be putting up with me, Tink and my mom for a very long time.  Hopefully we will be the best house guests ever!!!  My school has been extremely understanding and wishes everyone the best of luck.  It is amazing the support I have been getting from them.  I found out our assistant principal went through the exact same thing and ended up adopting a little girl.  You never know who you will meet that will endure the heartache that so many of you have felt.  I hope that this act will not only help a wonderful man and woman to be parents, but that everyone has hope of someone giving the gift to you, whether it is through adoption, egg donation or just support and understanding.  After reading several of your blogs, I wish the same for all of you.  I have a whole new perspective on infertility that I never had to think of and I am a better person for having been directly involved in the process.

Wish us luck!   Does anyone think that acupuncture will help me with making good healthy sticky eggs?

xoxo

You know it's bad when...

...your credit card company calls to ensure that all of those crazy charges coming through today really are in fact, your charges.

• A plane ticket from Missouri to LA? Yep.
• An ungodly amount of fertility drugs from a pharmacy in LA? Yes-sir-ee!
• Two plane tickets for Fairyeggs and her daughter, Tink? Absolutely!
• Two new very snuggly warm fleeces? No, I have absolutely not bought bought those. Nope.

Seriously they called. :)

Hopefully Tink will do a little snuggling with me so I can exude the maternal hormones that will attract my embies to indeed stay around. Positive thoughts right?


Tickets are bought! Meds are purchased! Hip hip hurray!

We have a calendar!

Our calendar was sent today with egg retrieval approximately 2/4 - 2/6 and transfer 2/9 - 2/12.

We are slowly wading through flights and babysitter arrangements...

Thinking about planning a Disneyland visit while we're at it...

I can not wait to get going!

Yay!

xoxo

Darn good day...

What defines a pretty darn good day in my life? Being able to kiss my husband and hug my parents is it.

Usually when I'm in California visiting the family and friends, my hubby is off in the sandbox, training, in command, or endless number of other Army related reasons. Although I'd rather have him with me rather than not, I get it. Since the beginning, we've been fairly independent even in our relationship together because lived in separate cities for several years. But as much as this is true, it's simply fun to have him here with me to go see my friends and hang out with the family and built the memories with these people.

My family is incredibly close to my heart. There is something fantastic about appreciating my parents as people. I enjoy spending time with them. Having parents like this is special, and I feel truly lucky to have them. My sister is the other addition to this fun, as she is one of my best friends. After living with each other for most of our lives and then living together for five years as adults....you get the picture! They make it easy to understand love.

So being able to roll over and kiss my hubby in the morning then run downstairs and give the folks a squeeze....pretty darn good in my book!

And for the reason why we are in California, hubby gets to visit the doctor for some collection of the sperm goo. Whoo! With him being tied up in school by the time we do our DE-IVF, this goo will be going to our future embies. Hope these spermies are champs!

One of the best things today was the reality that Dr. Leprechaun is doing our cycle pro bono. When we went to check out, it was "You're all set. Have a nice day!"  The generosity astounded me in theory, but now it's actually happening. This is our silver lining on our IF cloud.

I feel like a lucky girl. In the midst of everything we face, I am glad that we have days like today.