Monday, July 30, 2012

Beta of

Z E R O !


Doc is now on vacation so I won't be able to talk to him for the new plan until next week.

Whatever. This sucks.


Sunday, July 29, 2012


So the embryos have been percolating for a week now. I would say that I'm happy and excited, but as of Friday I'm not really. I'm sure you know why. Yep, I gave in and started testing when the embryos would be 12 days old. And then again today on day 13. All I've seen is a big white space where there should be a second line. Soooooooo, yeah.

Besides my lovely screw up with my estrogen, everything was picture perfect with my lining, the embryos before transfer, and my relaxing before and after acupuncture treatments. Even with my estrogen doubling, my level was still in the low normal range. So what went wrong?

No idea.

My issue has always been about crappy eggs. The first time that I ever put in five-dayers, I got knocked up. I so arrogantly assumed that this time would be a cake walk. I imagined I would waltz in, transfer the embryos, and return to my life only to delightfully find two lines growing darker and darker.


I know that I could still technically be pregnant, but I'm bracing myself.

"Brace yourself lassie!"


Thursday, July 19, 2012

The deets...Part 2

Part 2:

With a trusty internet search, I started figuring out what we needed to do next.  By the next day, I had a few interviews set up with attorneys specializing in infertility and adoption. I had contacted my RE in California and the donating family’s records were being sent within the week. I chose a lawyer and then everything sloooowed down. It was then that I developed a tremendous amount of respect for the donating family because in everything they were direct and supportive. But, it did take time to figure out some of the details with the embryos. I think this was just a natural progression of figuring out how our personal wishes translated into practical and legal terms.

Then, on June 29th we signed the contracts. More than embryos we gained a new branch to our family. And what a great family it is….

While we would have been content to be chosen by pretty much any family, I am most excited that this family wants the same type of future contact with us. In my mind, I hoped that the family who chose us would eventually become part of our extended family. This comes from the fact that I think you can never have too many people who love your children. Besides this, I have been lucky enough to have people in my life that have become family to me. I want this with the people who are giving us the means to add to our family. It just seems like a natural progression to me.

Besides this, I just want my child to be able to know their origins like in an open or semi-open adoption. I think knowing this family’s twins will do this for them. Like us, the family who chose us used an egg donor for their cycle. In their case, they went to one of the best clinics in the country and used an anonymous donor from their pool. As contrary as it may sound, I don’t really mind that the egg donor is anonymous in this case. Mainly, I feel this way because there are so many other people that our kiddo will have a chance to bond with and get to know within their family.

With little E, I find some things that remind me of Fairyeggs or her children that make me laugh. For example, he has this slightly curly patch of hair on the back of his head that Fairyeggs does. He also has some expressions that I swear come straight from her daughter. I love knowing this. So for this kiddo, I can’t wait to see what kind of quirks he/she shares with her twins.

What’s super exciting is that we also agreed to share our blogs with our readers. So, you can read about IVFlygirl and her perspective on our story HERE. She made me cry with her beautiful post. 

Over the past couple of weeks I have really been struggling to write this blog post. I simply don’t feel like I’m doing justice to our story. However, since tomorrow (Friday) is our big day, I wanted to share this with you. We will be transferring two embryos about 11 am (PST). Please send us lots of good thoughts!!!

Loves to all.


Monday, July 16, 2012

Almost screwed!

I totally screwed up my medication. Even worse, I repeated the mistake six times over the past couple of weeks.

My medications for this transfer are the simplest they have been for any of my cycles. I started with BCPs, moved onto E2V injections every three days, and then added in Crinone x2 just yesterday. However while my calendar said "4 mg or 0.2 cc", I read "0.4 cc." Yep. So essentially I doubled my estrogen dose for 18 days. I about threw up when I realized I had made this mistake. I really wanted to just bang my head on the wall and say dummy, but somehow I resisted. Instead I shot off an email to my doc and anxiously waited for his response.

Thankfully a nurse called to check on something else with me this morning and I was able to check on it with her. Instead of heading to the beach for the day, we jumped in the car, and drove 75 minutes over to Beverly Hills for a blood draw. The dreaded cancellation word was brought up multiple times, but all I could do was wait.

So we went and played at the beach.
We laughed at little E who wasn't quite sure he liked walking on the sand. However, he looved digging and splashing in his water bucket.

And had some kisses.

Finally, when I checked my phone, I had a message to call the clinic. My estrogen level was still in a very normal range. The cycle was still on. I finally breathed a sigh of relief and called my hubby to fill him in on the whole situation.

I still can't believe I made such a boneheaded move. I think my lucky dragon charm must have saved me on this one.


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Made it!

The embies made it safe and sound!


Monday, July 9, 2012

Holding My Breath

While I am still attempting to do justice to the rest of our matching story, I wanted to share with you that our embies are FLYING to California tomorrow.

I hope they stay frozen.
I hope they don't get misplaced.
I hope they keep the canister upright.
I hope the Fedex man is on time.
I hope they are okay!

Yep, I'm already worrying about them. Until I find out they are okay,  I'll be holding my breath.


Monday, July 2, 2012

The deets! Part 1

Thank you for your patience ever since my cryptic post. Now that our contracts are signed, you get the deets. So get comfy!!

For those of you who have been around for awhile, you know my story. Two years of infertility treatments taught me that my eggs are crap. Thankfully my warm and generous best friend had beautiful ones that she was willing to share with me.  The result? This beautiful boy...

Like most lucky infertiles who manage to have a child, I laughed at the nurse who asked me what birth control I planned to use after I had E. I was soooooooo hoping that being pregnant would reset my fertility and whip my shriveled eggs into shape. However, this obviously didn't happen.

Yet at the same time, I wasn't unhappy or desperate for a baby. How could I be? In my arms every night I snuggled my little man to sleep. By day, I would soak up his smiles and read him book after book.

Meanwhile....I had posted my profile over on Miracles Waiting hoping that I might get lucky and be chosen by a couple who had remaining embryos after their family building. I had done this before after my second failed IVF cycle, but never had any takers. While I had a few couples respond to me, we never seemed to be what they were looking for. We're not ultra-liberal or overly-religious. We certainly don't live close to anyone who might want our kids to know each other as they grow up. However, the biggest stumbling block was that we already had a child. Overall, I didn't discuss this with anyone other than my husband which is rare for me.

We started discussing our other options. Before we got too far into the process, I decided to talk to an OB to discuss the likelihood that I would need a cerclage and bed rest. While my original high risk OB (who delivered E) said I could go on to have another healthy normal pregnancy, I came away from this appointment and felt like it was the death of my dream.

After that day, I decided to let having another baby go. I started to make my peace with it. I reveled in the beautiful boy that I had the privilege of taking care of everyday. And occasionally...I would visit Miracles Waiting late at night. Weeks passed. I sold and donated the final baby pieces I was holding onto.

Then one day I came across a post of a blog I follow, where the author was discussing choosing a family for their remaining embryos. She was excited and happy to donate them, but was struggling with how to choose from the many wonderful people out there who were waiting. It opened up something in me that I thought I had made my peace with. I was full of tears and hope again, so I wrote her an email and attached my profile.

Then? Then I felt like a complete jerk. Here this blogger was writing about her struggle and I just added one more person to the flood of emails she got about the profile she had posted. As I had only been reading her blog for a month or two, I wondered if she would hate that I "invaded" her blog space with my request to be considered. More than anything though, I was vulnerable by putting myself out there to be rejected again which made me feel like an even bigger jerk.

A few days later, I got an email from her asking me questions about some things she had read in my blog and in my profile. I was completely shocked that they were even considering us. However, even from just the questions that she asked, I got the feeling that we had a lot of the same core values and perspectives on life. Then she asked for my phone number. When she called she said something like, "do you want to have family in {state}?" I totally didn't get it! Here I was anticipating some follow up questions and BAM, there it was. They chose us. They wanted US.

I cried.
I called my hubby.
Then I dove onto the internet to figure out what we needed to do (so typical).

More to come...xoxo

Update: Click here for part 2!