Friday, August 30, 2013

Here we go!

So finally after a week of faux bleeding, my period finally started. I was pretty darn giddy with relief that I could finally email my doctor and get what will most likely be my last calendar ever. It's been almost a year since our last FET, and I'm beyond ready to get this show on the road!

Since the last time I wrote about hope, I have found myself completely filled with it. I've decided to let go and just allow myself to be. In all honesty, I have every reason to be hopeful about our chances this time. After all, we have two stellar embryos sitting in the freezer.

Right now I'm sitting here with my first shot done, tickets are purchased for E and I to go out to California, and one for Granny to come back to Kansas with us so I can take it easy until my beta.

Please keep me in mind, I could use all of the good thoughts, vibes, and prayers that you've got!

Transfer is on September 18th!


Thursday, August 8, 2013

Hope Rising

One of the most dangerous feeling for me is hope.

On most days I dare not allow myself the luxury of indulging in it, but lately I've found myself unable to avoid it.

Earlier this summer when I had the chance to visit IVFlygirl, I found myself telling her of my plans of going back to work next year if I don't get pregnant. The moment the words left my mouth I felt mortified that even with her I couldn't let myself hope aloud.

I'm pretty sure that I immediately blurted out that, of course this was the plan only if our last transfer didn't work and that making plans was how I coped.

She generously took the remarks in stride, and we kept chatting.

But the truth is that, I want to have another child.

I want this with an incredible intensity.

Last week I was able to convince my doctor to allow me to have an endometrial scratch in the hopes of increasing my odds with our next FET . Although he doesn't include them in his typical cycle, I sent him an impassioned email explaining that I felt like we had to do something to change the protocol. Once he agreed, I had to jump through some hoops to get it done locally on the right day.

The moment I hung up the phone from getting my appointment scheduled, I felt this unfurling in my gut. It was hope rising in me.

Since that day, I've been trying to keep the hope tamped down.

Yeah, that's not working so well.


Thursday, August 1, 2013


After over a month of packing, traveling, vacationing, waiting and unpacking, we are finally settled into our new house in Kansas.

Let me sum up the big trip...

May 27 first day on post in RV camp...goodbye house.
May 28: the moose who walked into our campsite and later came back for a snack.
May 29: E chilling at camp
May 30: playing at a park on base.
May 31: playing at a park near our camp. Did you know that parks with rocks make kids FILTHY!
June 1: Friend's birthday party gave him a chance to hit his first piƱata!
June 2: The USO presents Sesame Street. We sat in the front row for Elmooooo!
June 3: At another park, E made another friend. This one sat on top of his legs and kissed him!
June 4: Parents fly in to Anchorage. Took a little tourist time to find this view.

June 5: My last drive from Anchorage to Wasilla. 
June 6: Figuring out the ice machine as we get ready to head out.
June 7: You can drive for miles and not see a soul until you hit roadwork...and a good gas station.
Anchorage to Tok, Alaska
June 8: Me.  See ya later Alaska!
Tok, Alaska and Haines Junction, Yukon, Canada
June 9: E and I taking a break by the water's edge.
Watson Lake  to Ft Nelson.
June 10: Mountains. Drizzle. Beautiful!
Fort Nelson to Fort St. John
More June 10: See that black thing on the right? That's a bear grazing on the side of the road! He was one of the ten bears (8 black/2 grizzlies) we saw hanging out along with a herd of buffalo, wild black swans, rock goats, a moose, and a porcupine!
June 11: A sweet moment before bed.
Fort St. John to Grande Cache
June 12: driving through Jasper National Park
Grande Cache to Lake Louise, Alberta
June 13:
Lake Louise to Fort MacLeod, Alberta

June 14: Back in the US!
Fort MacLeod, AB, Canada to Melrose, Montana

June 15: We went swimming in the Great Salt Lake along with a gazillion gnats and there are buffalo here!
Melrose, Montana to Antelope Island State Park, Utah 

June 16: Looooook!
Antelope Island to Bryce Canyon, Utah

June 17: "The big ditch" says my hubby.
Bryce Canyon to the Grand Canyon National Park, Arizona

June 18: Driving.
Grand Canyon to Moab, Utah

June 19: Arches National Park
Moab, Utah to Fort Collins, CO

June 20: Cousins! What you can't see in this picture is that E is sharing a seat with one of his six second cousins  who are all boys!!! Fort Collins, CO

June 21: The vintage farm my favorite aunt sent home with us. Every day she set out new toys for E to play with on this table. She's the best!
Fort Collins, CO

June 22: We got to meet IVFlyGirl and her family for the first time!

More June 22: the most delicious guacamole with mango, strawberry, and goat cheese. Seriously good!
Fort Collins, CO
June 23: Whoa this place is flat.
Fort Collins, CO to Hays, Kansas
June 24: Mommy, I'm home!
Hays to Leavenworth, Kansas