I've completely and absolutely had it with freakin' sore nipples.
Done. Done. Done.
With mastitis hitting me last week and an ugly scabby nipple, I decided to pump for awhile. Ahh, the fantastic life of pumping started.
Then last night I tried breast-feeding for the first time and within two feedings I was back in pain.
So I think I'm throwing in the towel.
It's hard not to feel like a bit like a failure in not making this work. But hey, I really shouldn't be surprised. I've given it six weeks filled with pain, tears, and weird nerves twitching near my shoulder blades. I think what bothers me most is the nurses pushing pushing pushing breast-feeding directly only. With pumping, he still gets breast milk. Whether he gets it via nipple or bottle doesn't really matter nutritionally. So shove it naysayers.
I will miss the sweetness that comes with having him tucked up against my body every couple of hours. Still I imagine I can work in a little more snuggle time. Yeah, that would be rough. :)
xoxo
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I know those pushy nurses! They were the ones that made me pump at 4 am. 4 am is time for sleeping, not time for pumping (my son was jaundice and needed to be under the lights which was the only reason they were pushing the pumping and not the breastfeeding.) These were the same nurses that wanted me to breastfeed my son after just getting to the recovery room from the c-section while lying flat on my back. I told them to get that kid a bottle.
ReplyDeleteI fully support your pumping decision!! i have some advice if you want it. If your supply starts dwingling (like it can with pumping only) take Fenugreek. Although some lucky women can maintain a supply by pumping. I am not one of the lucky. Also get yourself a hands free pumping bra! That was the best $28 I spent in my LIFE. I would spend it twice over (and I really don't like spending money on myself so that is saying something!!)
Also- You have an adorable little guy!!
Thank you for writing this! I love honest posts about breastfeeding. I am 22 weeks and have very mixed feelings about breastfeeding. The only thing I am willing to commit to is my willingness to try and that is it. I have heard ALL the arguments for and against and I'm concerned about pushy nurses, family and even strangers.
ReplyDeleteIt is one of the most personal decisions and I appreciate you putting your story out there. Good luck and happy pumping!!
I'm so sorry you are having a hard time! I think doing what is best for you is the way to go!
ReplyDeleteYou made it MUCH longer than I did - and you'll be so, so relieved at the freedom that pumping gives you. I'm with Lindsay though - buy a hands-free bra; it will make your time much more useful. I found that the cuddling got better after switching as I wasn't so concerned about getting the boys fed and wondering if they'd had enough, etc. - we could just cuddle to cuddle.
ReplyDeleteFreedom! I think about quitting or switching to pumping-only EVERY DAY. It's so stinking hard. Especially to do both. My boobs are in a constant state of "ow." So good for you, for making a hard decision and feeling good about it (I hope you do -- you should).
ReplyDeleteI've been pumping since week 2. While it takes more time with the pumping, feeding of bottles and washing bottles, it's not bad. He's getting the good stuff, and I'm not stressed. Also my supply has actually increased a lot. Let me know if you need any support or anything.
ReplyDeleteHey - you can only do what you can do. No need to feel guilty about the choice you made, you have to take care of Baby AND yourself. And he's still getting lots of good nutrition, and I'm sure he'll get plenty of snuggles too!
ReplyDeleteYou know your body and your baby. For some strange reason I wrote down every ounce Billy drank and worried so much. It didn't matter at all. What mattered was that the pain was gone and he had a full belly.
ReplyDeleteoh sweetie, love you :) i wasn't able to breastfeed and got a lot of crap about it. thinking of you and feeling like you are a superwoman for doing it through all that pain!
ReplyDeleteI think momma being happy is #1!! It's not like you didn't try... good grief you put a ton of effort (and ignored a lot of pain) for a long time.
ReplyDeleteGood for you! I am on the fence everyday about it. It is super hard and a happy mother makes a happy baby!
ReplyDeleteIf he's getting breast milk he is WAY ahead of many other babies, so PLEASE try to relax and enjoy your precious little boy. And even if you switch to formula, he will still be fine, fine, fine. My mom had five kids and wasn't able to nurse (something about inverted nipples I believe). AND she smoked with all of her pregnancies. We kids all survived. And I'm reasonably intelligent, even. So, Mom was a smoker and I had only substandard 1950s formula. Who knows what they put in that shit back then!!!?? :-O
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your baby, Hon. You are so blessed.