There are so many things that I am hard on myself about. Elements of motherhood seem to another thing I add to my list of things I feel enormous guilt about. For example, when I slept through my alarm when I was suppose to feed baby E, I woke up feeling like the WORST mom ever.
Seriously. Can I be more inane?
My perception of myself just doesn't remain constant. On one hand, I know that I am a great mom already because I don't do things like make meth in my house with my six week old in tow! Yet at the same time, something like listening to him scream while I'm attached to the pump makes me feel like a douche bag.
The same thing happens in my relationship with my husband. He's incredibly sarcastic, so comments that are meant in jest sometimes make me feel incredibly low. I know he loves me with his whole heart so why do I doubt that he sees my worth?
On so many levels I know that I'm a successful and smart person who has her shiznat together. Yet, in the small moments of life, I let things get to me.
Why oh why am I so hard on myself?
The other day when I was talking about breastfeeding, Cheri said, "If he's getting breast milk he is WAY ahead of many other babies, so PLEASE try to relax and enjoy your precious little boy. And even if you switch to formula, he will still be fine, fine, fine. My mom had five kids and wasn't able to nurse (something about inverted nipples I believe). AND she smoked with all of her pregnancies. We kids all survived. And I'm reasonably intelligent, even. So, Mom was a smoker and I had only substandard 1950s formula. Who knows what they put in that shit back then!!!?? :-O"
This completely made me laugh because it is something very similar to what my husband said while I was pregnant. And you know what, they are both right. When you look at the grand scheme of things, most of the people who are reading this blog are (or will be) incredible parents. I love my child, provide for my child, and plan to teach him things like how to work hard, be a good friend, and love the Patriots. I think in our times of neurotic super-moms, we forget how resilient children are.
I need to remember this and cut myself a break on the small stuff I worry about. I need to get over this inane crap that is absolutely not important.