We have a calendar!

Our calendar was sent today with egg retrieval approximately 2/4 - 2/6 and transfer 2/9 - 2/12.

We are slowly wading through flights and babysitter arrangements...

Thinking about planning a Disneyland visit while we're at it...

I can not wait to get going!

Yay!

xoxo

Favorite holiday coming soon!

September and November are my very favorite months of the year.  September brings the cool-down from summer heat, apples, new pencils and of course my birthday. However November is what I look forward to most because of fall leaves, turkey, and pumpkins wrapped up in Thanksgiving!

Sandwiched between Halloween and Christmas, two holidays I didn't celebrate growing up, Thanksgiving was the big family holiday to enjoy. Most holidays we celebrated, people had no idea what they were. But Turkey day was something I could enjoy without any explanation.

So today I sit on my tremendously comfy couch, anticipating the upcoming holiday. My parents and sister are flying in for most of the week since hubby will have the most limited schedule out of all of us. I love love love that my family will take the time and trouble to fly out to see me. I have been contemplating things to do during the week along with a fabulous menu for the big day and probably several days after. I can't wait to eat the leftover pumpkin pie for breakfast with absolutely no guilt!

In the meantime, I am tirelessly devoting myself to Dr. Google in continuing to evaluate my IF and adoption options. While I am pretty sure that we will be doing a donor cycle or something to that effect, I want to evaluate some of the adoption agencies so I'll be prepared in case it doesn't work out.

Around my birthday, I lauded this year as my lucky 33rd year. After the disappointment of this last negative IVF cycle, I feel like I have been adrift in knowing what to do next. And yet, there have been some really good things happening at the same time. FairyEgg's offer to help started this off. Now, another amazing offer has hit the table that might allow me to cycle in LA while staying with my family. While I don't have all the details yet, I'll be having a phone consultation with an RE out there on Thursday.

Stay tuned!

xoxo

The comfy horse...

Our merry-go-round was a little merrier today. The financial coordinator at my Louisiana RE's office called me back today with the estimate of what the donor egg cycle. Let's just say that they don't have any extra charges besides the tests required by the FDA which will cost, wait for it, $459. In addition, I will need to contact a lawyer to draw up our contract.

My lovely clinic does not split the cycle and charge independently for FairyEgg's treatment and my treatment. They don't squeeze me for every possible dime (or possibly penny) in my pocket. They don't charge a $7800 administrative fee! Yay!

Granted, I know that my doctor is probably one of the most reasonable in the entire United States. In fact the coordinator told me that he hasn't raised his rates in five years since he opened up the clinic. Seriously? Tell me that his focus isn't helping people! I get it, it's a business. I certainly hope he makes a reasonable profit because he works very hard! But at the same time, as a patient, I respect him for his perspective. It kind of restores my faith in people.

So, it looks like we've taken a step closer. We're going to wait for a Day 3 test for FairyEggs sometime this month. Soon I will need to talk to the nurse and figure out how to coordinate and lump together as many tests as possible to keep FairyEggs from flying down there as much as possible. She is a complete trooper about all of this because she's willing to endure the flying and needles that she is none too fond of. At least we will be taking the comfy horse route and going with people I know! I can't wait for her to write some guest blogs!

I'm also really happy that FairyEggs' Mom (whom I adore) will be coming down for the fun during the monitoring and egg retrieval. She'll definitely help keep FairyEggs calm and more relaxed during the process.

In other news, I dyed my hair a bright red color and changed up the style a bit. Red and fun! Maybe it's a girl thing, but there is something so refreshing about doing something new with the hair.  It's certainly helped me feel better and gain a little tiny itty-bitty piece of perspective.

xoxo

merry-go-round

Roller-coaster? Tight-rope? Space Mountain? Today I've decided I'm on a merry-go-round. Why you ask? Because on a merry-go-round, you not only spin in futile circles, but you also go up and down on your little horse! That's pretty much me in a nutshell right now. I know, I know....I have been very aware of my craziness lately. It's because I'm really without a plan, spinning in a circle. As my family knows, I'm pretty much only happy when I have a plan. Until I have a plan, I am in full research mode making the effing plan! So here is a list of the horses that are swirling around in my head:

• The shiny pink horse (aka donor egg cycle with known donor) - My donor, FairyEggs, lives very close to a medical center where a friend of my current RE works. Yesterday I made the appointment for a consultation with Dr.M in a couple of weeks and also asked to speak to the financial coordinator. She wasn't in, but she called me with all of the financial goodies! Oh yay! Come to find out, a known donor cycle there still incurs a $7800 administrative fee at that clinic! Which would make a grand total of $19,304 + meds + some additional testing. Hmm. That doesn't really fit into my responsible budgeting. 
• The comfy horse - Bite the bullet and drag FairyEggs across the country to my current RE back in Louisiana. This would mean lots of time in a hotel. Also FairyEggs would have to be away from her FairyKiddos for quite awhile which is very hard for her. So right now, I'm waiting for their financial coordinator to call me to let me know how much a donor egg cycle would run there. Since the laws in Louisiana are different, I'm hoping for a better price and the comfort of working with people I know. 
• The shady green horse - Called Shady Grove Fertility to get the pricing for their shared risk, shared donor and also the shared risk donor programs. Wow, they really bring the price down by sharing donors cycles! What is more impressive is that they put their money where their mouth is and offer 100% refunds for their shared risk program. They also work well with out-of-town patients and have what looks like a well-oiled plan to reduce travel times. Might be worth pursuing.
• The frozen horse - Embryo Adoption/Donation. Yes, you have heard me rant about this in my previous post, but it is still an option as I might find someone willing to privately donate their embies if they are done growing their family. 
• The red horse with stars - Adoption. A fellow blogger pointed me a direction of a very reasonable domestic infant adoption program. They contacted me within an hour of my request and were very straightforward. For this though, we would really need to wait until we moved. :( Ugh.

These are all the fun things spinning around in my head. Of course my hormonal ups and downs are keeping life fun too. Good thing my husband loves me! :) 

xoxo

Hit the Brakes!

That's the screech of the Let's-Have-a-Cini-Baby Plan you hear! Perhaps we (I) were too hasty in announcing our plans to the world and my family and my friends.  So now what you are hearing is our discussion of what we might do. 

Today V and I went shopping at an outlet mall about an hour from our house. Between the lack of weekday traffic and constant rain, we pretty much had the place all to ourselves. That's my kind of shopping! So is it strange that V bought more than I did? Of course, I cracked a joke when we walked by the maternity store saying "Yay, now I don't have to buy a new wardrobe!" I laughed. V looked at me like I was nuts! I also passed on the beautiful, shiny purse that sucked me in at the C.oach store. Yep, I'm happiest with sweats, fun and comfy shoes, and a pretty purse.

At lunch, V told me he was rethinking things. But first you have to understand that my husband literally NEVER changes his mind. It took me a good year of dating him to convince him that khakis were not the enemy. So anything that changes is usually with me pointing out  something over a long, long period of time. 

So as we were talking about home-studies, V explained that the information I gave him about donor eggs had sunk in more. We talked more about the details and decided to put donor eggs back on the table with adoption.  

Hopefully tomorrow we will be having a discussion with Dr. S about the next step. Then some more thinking about whether or not we will switch to a closer clinic now that we have moved, donor eggs....lots of stuff! 

Thanks for all of your support over the last few days. 

xoxo

My one straggler

One made it through the night!

It only takes one.

In the meantime, I think aliens have highjacked my body. What is with the crying, being pissed off, laughing, and the general numb feeling for the rest of the moments of the day? I think all of the max dosage of fertility meds have accumulated and unleashed their wrath on my emotions. It's all part of the ride, right? The fact that I escaped relatively unscathed last cycle apparently does not apply to this one!

So, thanks for listening through the craze.

xoxo

Over-Easy

The follies are cooked! Although I'm disgusted by runny yolk, over-easy is exactly what we are shooting for with my follies at 18, 18, 18, 18, 18 and a couple more well done at 21 and 22. A few are still in the skillet bubbling at a gentle 15, 15, 14.

My E2 level poured out today like orange juice at a tangy 1250! I gulped the news done as is this my new record for an E2 level!

The HCG trigger is scheduled tonight for 8:30 pm. I'm thinking positive thoughts that this puts the final seasoning on the eggs to mature and be ready for extraction with Dr. S. We'll be heading to the hospital on Tuesday around 7 am.

Hubby will be hitting the road tomorrow morning to make it in time for his donation on Tuesday. I'm planning to wear the Frankenstein socks (thank you voters) for the egg retrieval and then pink argyle socks for something homey and inviting for the (hopeful) egg transfer.

At this time in the last cycle, we were contemplating cancellation. So comparatively, today my belly is filled with warm news.

xoxo

Let's Vote

In the celebration of having too much time on my hands in a hotel room, Sweetpea presents.....drum role please, the fertility sock choices! From left to right you have 1) pink argyle 2) black/green ghosts 3) black/green Frankenstein!

This is of course a vital decision since last time I did not have any lucky socks and froze my toes off! I did have cute pink toes sticking up in the air in the stirrups though. Vote for which ones I should wear on egg retrieval day! :D

xoxo

I want to cry...

I'm not against crying, but I don't typically cry at the drop of a hat either. In fact I haven't cried at all this year through all of the IUI treatments. But now, when my doctor told me my estrogen level doesn't get a gold star, I do feel a bit like crying. So, I'm now sitting at home on my couch with my dear, dear sister who does get a gold star for going with me on these 5 hour trips there and back.

The goal for day three of the stims is to be at a 100-300 level. I am at 63. So, he's bumping up my meds to 300 iu Follistim and 2 vials of Menepur. It's not even a big setback or anything. But dammit, I am an overachiever! Comm'on now!

My ultrasound showed sixteen follicles perfectly symmetrical with eight on the left and eight on the right. The left range from 8-12 mm and the right from 6-11 mm.

I go back Tuesday for a day six ultrasound and labs. We'll see how the eggies are doing then. For now, I think I'll go take a nap and pet my dogs.

drugs, drugs, drugs

Yesterday was another trip to Lafayette for my ultrasound and blood work. Part of the fun of being married to the military is that the duty stations can be far from a specialist. Yes, this means I have to drive about 2.5 hours each way to go to every single doctor's appointment. Seriously. Driving five hours for a doctor's appointment kind of takes up your whole day! The bonus yesterday is that I had my super-friend and sister with me for support and to alleviate the tedium of driving through the trees and passing the "Bubba Oustalet" or "Adult Superstore" signs. Sigh. Louisiana is funny this way.

I had started getting cranked up about the appointment because I've actually started worrying about the process. That wasn't even on my radar before I started reading everybody else's blogs and seeing how many things can simply cancel the IVF cycle. If this cycle gets cancelled, I'll have to start over with a new RE somewhere else when we move. I need to let my worries go though otherwise, I know the IVF won't work because of the STRESS on my body. Stress = suppressed fertility aka nature's response to danger around a potential mom. Relax, girl!

The appointment itself was absolutely no problem. My US was clear of cysts and labs fine. I don't really get the numbers for the hormones, so I'm going to start tracking them to see where they are so I can ask about where they should be. The great news was that I was able to start my stimulation meds which means: Follistim 200 iu; Menepur 1 amp. I also am keeping up with the Lupron at a reduced 5 ml + and added 81 mg dose Aspirin. I didn't know what the aspirin was for, but apparently they 'think' it increased the blood flow for the blood vessels which aids in the implantation. I was excited to go to Target and buy my little 36 orange flavored pills for a whopping $1.07. I think that is definitely the cheapest med!

This continues until Saturday when I go back for what looks like the marathon run of appointments. Eek! Keep your fingers crossed that my eggs are super-charged!

The history...

There are some things that are just strange about being a military wife.  I would call trying to get pregnant while my husband is deployed overseas one of those strange times. Usually getting knocked up while your husband is gone is a bad thing. For us, it has been the running joke we keep hoping will happen. 

So let me give you a rundown on where we have come from. I had DH (dear hubby) home for almost two years between deployments. We started tried to get pregnant the natural way with no success. The on-post doctors put my on Clomid for two cycles while I waited for my referral to the specialist about two hours away from my house. During this time I also had a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) done to make sure there was no physical blockages preventing pregnancy. Analysis of DH showed that he had low-sperm count.

We lucked out and got in early to the specialist by way of a cancellation. The doctor met with us together and immediately got us going. He ran another sperm analysis which was fine and checked me for polycystic ovarian syndrome which was negative. Physically nothing was wrong with us except I seemed to not ovulate on a regular schedule. The next step had to wait for my period to start except when it did I ended up having cysts that which meant I couldn't take the fertility drugs that month. 

In all of this, DH was getting ready to deploy so he gave some "donations" so that I could try when he was gone. So he left. We had a hurricane that day too. Then the next month I tried my first round without him and used the "turkey baster" method, also known as an IUI. I took Follistim for four nights at 75 mg, went in for an ultrasound, took the HCG, and went back for the IUI. It wasn't painful, but rather a slight pinch. 

The worst part of the whole thing was walking into the waiting room by myself. Driving two and half hours to get to the doctor, I stepped in right on time to find the whole room full of couples. As it was Saturday, everybody came at the same time for the IUIs. I was the last one called in, and I just felt alone. My husband called while I was sitting there by chance. He had completely zoned out that it was the day because his days seem to just run together a lot.  Poor guy. 

So pretty much for the rest of the year, it has been a rinse and repeat of this cycle including all of the months where I had cysts that were too big and required a month of rest. Then the donations ran out. 

Unfortunately, it's not like I can dial up my husband and ask him to come home. After a lot of working, we have him coming home for R & R  in a month or so. He'll have to go back, and so I'll be facing the process alone again. But I guess that is just the life of a military wife. It scares me because we're moving on to the next step of IVF. 

Shelling out that kind of money is scary, but I've been working a second job all year to pay for it. We'll see what's coming.

Until next time...