Quiet Lull

Right now I'm in the quiet lull between Fairyegg and Tink's departure and the transfer. Even though the nurse told me that they would call me the day before transfer to let me know when to come in, my nefarious plan was to bug them until they told me how my embies were doing. I was completely shut down as the nurse told me that they don't do reports. Boo!

It's probably better in the long run because I'm not obsessing over the details. Can you believe that I am not even playing doctor google either? It's strange, but I am completely calm. I feel like I've completely let go of this cycle since I watched it vicariously through Fairyegg's worries and now am heading towards a five-day transfer. Relinquishing control is kind of nice.

Right now I'm just trying to focus on resting and kicking this bug's hiney as my throat has been so swollen that I lost my voice for two days and have been snoring up a storm since I can't breathe at night. HOT, I say. I bet my husband is sad he is missing this special moment with me. Regardless, I now have antibiotics that I am cleared to take until the day before transfer. Already, I am loving my little Amoxicillin.

I had kind of a funny conversation with how many to transfer with my husband. We've never had a choice before and simply transfered the one good one during round one and the two stragglers during round two. Should we round it off with three for round three? My hubby just wants whatever has the best chance of getting me knocked up. I really have no idea but want to keep reasonable since I have high albeit controlled, blood pressure. We'll see if we have a choice by day five. Any thoughts?

So Thursday should be the big day! Send me lots of prayers, happy thoughts, good vibes.

xoxo

The hope and joy of it...

As the day has gone by, I have been filled with a hope and joy that I haven't felt in a long time. Infertility has given us so many slaps in the face, so many rugs pulled out from under us, so many big fat FUs that I have simply lost count of the number of bad days. We manage to pick ourselves up, grin, find some remnant of hope, and move onto the next step. Yet the step doesn't have quite the same amount of bounce that the previous one did. It's exhausting.

But today Fairyegg's gift to us finally came to fruition, and I am simply astounded with the idea that I might have an actual chance. It's real. I'll have to actually write a post about how I feel about Fairyegg's gift, but it's 3:13 am and I most certainly won't do it justice. I can't believe that I actually had good news today.

I'm not naive. I know that tomorrow everything might come crashing down in a heap of crap. But today, I am just enjoying the fact that today is a good day. Today I have hope. Today I have an effing chance that all these machinations might DO something. It's the rarest hope and joy in our cloudy IF world.

xoxo

Another year...

I thought about this blog all day long. When it comes down to it, I don't feel very reflective though. 


It's been a big bag of nuts for me filled with those huge nasty ones that no one wants to eat and a few, a very few, chocolate covered macadamia ones. Most of me wants to give 2009 a big finger followed with a wedgie and a kick in the ass. But when it comes down to it, I have hope for 2010. So I don't really give a rats ass about 2009 anymore. 


This is what counts:


*My husband returned to me safely from his third deployment. 
*Fairyeggs has opened my eyes to a whole new window of selflessness and friendship in giving me her oocytes.
*Dr. Leprechaun is giving me a pro bono cycle which relieves the huge financial weight.



Those are some pretty damn good things.


Tonight as I sit with my champagne, husband and dog in my warm house, I know that I am okay. I can not claim to know what is intended for us, but I know that hope is not dead inside of me. 


Bring it on 20-10.


Happy New Year blogosphere!


xoxo

good day + a ray of hope

Yep, I had a date today! A blogger date! I can kind of be shy when I first meet someone IRL, so I was a little nervous to meet Mrs Pave! She's one of those people who you feel like you have known forever once you get chatting. Talking about the fun of IF, being married to military men, teaching...while eating a little Mexican food made for a really good day. Since we both have flexible schedules, we're going to hit some shopping a little later this week. Yippee!

Is it really Halloween today? I wouldn't know since my hubby wanted to be the Halloween grinch this year. We turned our light off.  Gasp! Yep, we were those people this year. It was probably much better for my mental health anyway!

There is a ray of hope that I'm daring to get slightly excited about in the IF ring. Might this be another piece of the puzzle coming together? ...keep all of your appendages crossed!

Happy Halloween!

xoxo