Threads

**For those who are coming for the first time, this post is about my lovely friend Fairyeggs who donated her eggs to me for our third IVF cycle. I wrote about how I felt about our relationship after I took my son E to North Carolina to meet her and her family for the first time when he was one.**

Before I went to North Carolina to visit with Fairyeggs, I had a brief moment where I wondered if physically seeing little E would change the wonderful balance we have now. This was a veeeeery brief moment. Our friendship has remained consistent through tornadoes, snowstorms, broken down buses, a car accident, living in different countries, children, and dating boys. Of course we would be just fine! It's only human nature to have a wandering thought or two which is why she had a moment of questioning too.

In reality, we have an even stronger friendship than we did prior to little E.

Now there is something between our families that stretches like a gossamer thread. It's a thread so faintly visible that most people barely perceive it, but you can feel it as it brushes across your face. There are threads that run between me, Fairyeggs, our moms and dads, our sisters, our husbands and our kids. It comes from the shared experience from the start of infertility treatments until now. Since I have always shared what we were going through, my family and hers were there for all of the ups and downs.

When we talked about it over Mexican food and margaritas, we agreed that we don't define E's relationship traditionally. By this I mean that neither of us think she is "mom." Similarly, we don't view her kids as siblings with little E. Yet at the same time, there is this connection which we've decided is more like cousins, but not exactly....? Although he's not really talking yet, we decided to have little E call her by the name that her niece and nephew currently use which I think is ridiculously sweet. The role of auntie fits, but is also not inclusive enough. :)

The feeling I left with from the trip was just an overwhelming feeling of love, acceptance, and family. I personally have no term for the woman who gave me this beautiful incredible baby boy. I'm just really grateful to have her and everyone around her in our lives.

xoxo

Stim Day 11

It's hard for me to be hopeful during the cycle right now. I caught some nasty germ from the airport or mouseland that now has me feeling like death warmed over. I literally slept all day today trying to knock it out.  After all, this is really not the freaking time to get sick! My throat is killing me and my body literally feels like a truck ran over me, backed up to see what it hit, and then decided to put me out of my misery with one last smush. . . Some of the stuff kind of comes and goes, but overall, it just keeps coming.

Monday we went back to the doctor's office which definitely has a different atmosphere than my last clinic. I'm not so much concerned about the atmosphere as I am with how FairyEggs feels and the outcome. My first lining check was great at 10 mm with a triple stripe. Whoot. FairyEgg's ten follicles were actually measured this time and ranged from 8 - 12 mm. The doc thinks that the egg retrieval will be pushed to Sunday which is the day before FairyEggs is scheduled to go home. Argh! I don't want her to travel that quickly, but I guess we'll have to roll with it! We are also unsure with what happens to the eggs when you stim for twelve (or more) days. We're hoping for quality eggs.

Tomorrow FairyEgg's mom comes to visit and help out in just being here for her daughter. They really have a beautiful relationship, and I love them both dearly.

With this cycle, I have definitely reverted back to guarding my heart very carefully. I want this to happen, but I dare not hope or get ahead of myself in the planning. One step at a time right? I am also bogged down in the day to day reality of the waiting. Besides the cyle, I think about spending quality time with FairyEggs, Tink, and my family, keeping up with my work schedule from home, staying connected with my hubby and helping him edit his Masters papers, and helping out around the house.

After plunking down another $750 for FDA labs that have already been run, but have to be done again within 30 days of the egg donation and another $1k on medications, I think my husband finally tapped out. He said to me the other day that we should plan on this being our last cycle.  As much as I figured this would be our last try at a fresh cycle, I've still been considering embryo donation as an option if this cycle doesn't work out. Who knows? Day by day.

xoxo

It's not often

It's not often that I get wrapped up in the Disney magic. But let me tell you that watching a three year old delight in "It's a Small World" is pretty magical. FairyEggs's daughter, Tink, had so much fun seeing all of the fairies and princesses that roam those grounds.

Then as we were leaving for the day, I ran across this shirt in one of the stores on Main Street.

I must say that this went straight through my hormonally charged body, like an arrow into my heart. I wanted so badly to wear it to my transfer, but alas it was only in kid size. But the message is there.

"All you need is faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie dust."


xoxo