With the advent of AF coming, I have been feeling incredibly cranky and crampy. That's pretty strange for me, but considering I just had a truck-full of fertility meds dumped into my body, it's understandable. The most irritating part is the constant headache that accompanies me as my hormone levels have dropped. It's pretty much like a big kick in the face. Hey, you just got a BFN and now what do you get, a chitty weekend! Congratulations! And hey, hubby, your wife who spent a day crying, a day and a half glued to her computer researching adoption, is now a BFWitch! LOL. Urg. Okay, the pity party is done.
The excitement of the day:
When V and I were walking Sweetpea, we saw one of my favorite insects--a walking stick!
After our conversation about using donor eggs, I have been looking through many many websites looking at the different costs of using an anonymous donor. What it comes down to is about an extra 10k for the agency fee, donor payment, legal fees, insurance, etc. Wow. Scary price.
Of course I also thought about using donor eggs from somebody we know. But how the hell do you ask someone, "Hey, would you mind sticking yourself with a bunch of needles, bloat yourself up, and become best friends with a dildo cam, so that you can hand over some of your genetic material so I can procreate?" Hmm. That would be a fun conversation.
I would dearly love to use my sister (who freely offered) as a donor so that it would have some of the family genes, but as she is my older sister, it's probably not the best choice. I love her to pieces for offering though.
There are other cousins, who I have thought about asking over the past few days, but I've just been unsure about the whole thing.
So when I was talking about the whole situation with a friend, she confessed that there was no way she could ever do it. Her initial reaction was that it would be "her" child. How could you be friends with someone knowing they had your child? I could totally understand where she was coming from. So let's say I was blown away when she called me back the next day and said, "I can't stop thinking about it." After talking it over, she came to the realization that she wouldn't have that attachment....
OMG, my husband just came and rubbed my shoulders for a few minutes...sigh.
....in an inappropriate way. If she loved my child, it wouldn't much different than the fact that she loved them because they were mine. When she told me this, I literally could not respond because I burst into tears that came straight out of my heart. I can't think of much better, for my kids to have the genes of someone I know and love. Wouldn't that make it more special? We also have a lot of the same physical characteristics which would make it neat.
So while there is a lot to still be figured out, I am amazed that I have such wonderful friends and family. I shouldn't be amazed but I am because such a gift is something incredible.