Monday, August 17, 2009

The news

BFN or Big Fat Negative.

So now that I have cried my eyes out, I have come to accept the bad news. I think for the first time in this process that my heart is truly broken over the outcome. My chest is actually tight and hurting like someone punched me in the stomach. My eyes are all swollen and puffy. I feel like I have one last shot, as I doubt we'll do a third cycle. This of course leaves me at the kind of desperate and scared point since I want a little munchkin. I'm angry that there is nothing I can do to 'fix' this except open up my bank account and stick needles full of who-knows-what into my body. So I give myself today to feel these things.

Tomorrow, I have to gear up for my husband coming home which is such a good thing in my life. These twelve months have seemed to pass by so slowly at times but in retrospect, so quickly too. When he left I had just started a new teaching job and we were waiting to see if our first injectable cycle yielded any results. I would prefer him to not come home to a wreck of a wife so I guess I have to put on my big girl panties and deal with this!

So, in the hopes of moving on, it looks like we will be spending the next month here instead of on vacation as my dear RE says I will be able to jump on the next IVF train assuming I don't have any cysts. Hopefully AF will show up this week (welcome home honey!) and we can get the ball rolling again.

I'm still waiting to hear the results from a few cycle sisters, so I'm sending good thoughts to you. Those who already have their BFPs, you continue to give me hope that this will work. :D



  1. I'm so sorry! Praying for you and your husband as you pick him up in the next couple of days.

  2. I'm sorry it was bad news. On the bright side, I hope your husband has a safe trip home to you!

  3. I am so sorry <3 I hope that you and your hubby have a wonderful reunion! Thinking and praying for both of you.

  4. I am so very sorry for your BFN and right before your DH gets home. I know how badly you must have wanted to be able to share some good news with him. I know it feels like there is no pain greater than a BFN but it does help to have a plan in place. Try to focus on the positive and the future.