First, I have to sleep three more times before my first beta. Ick. I have allowed myself to hope that I might actually be pregnant. But, it's more likely that I am not. If I'm not, I guess I have to get my behind in gear and start getting ready for the move and go back to the gym to lose some weight before my next IVF cycle.
If I'm not pregnant, I have to figure out how to tell my husband when he comes home from Iraq on Wednesday. I probably won't get to talk to him between the beta on Monday and his homecoming on Wednesday because he'll be making his way across the world on an airplane with at least five stops to refuel. Will the homecoming be tainted with sorrow? [insert melodramatic music]
If I'm not pregnant, then I guess I have to get my ass back in gear and substitute or something once we get to Missouri. I'll need to pick up teaching at least four online classes to get back on the savings route for future treatments.
If I'm not pregnant, my mom, dad, and sister will all be gracious and understanding that this cycle didn't work. Yet, I know that they all desperately want a grandbaby/niece or nephew just as much as I want a little munchkin. I don't look forward to them being disappointed. They are such a great family.
As much as I can hope for a BFP, the reality is that this a BFN could happen too, right? If it comes, I'll deal with it. But I have to be prepared for it either way. Today I guess I'm wallowing in the negative.
BTW, I got a big fat Facebook lecture from a friend of a friend (who did IVF) for walking my dogs. Can I not do this during my 2ww?