Friday, November 2, 2012


My emotions during these FET cycles seem to be mirroring my first three rounds of IVF that we went through to get E.

Before IVF#1, I was so blissfully naive to believe that the statistics would be on our side and we'd be knocked up after one try. We didn't even want to spend the extra $10k for the money-back guarantee. Ha! When it failed, I was more surprised than upset. We quickly rolled in the next round.

Before FET#1, I was confident in the knowledge that the only time I had two 5-day embryos to transfer, one took. So knowing that I had two fabulous embryos, I was more worried about twins than that it might not work. Surprise! 

On IVF#2, I felt like the first cycle had just been a fluke. I earned my Dr. Google degree with all of the time I spent researching my hormone values. When none of my five eggs fertilized on the first day, I was gutted. Devastated. I remember physically hurting while we waited for more new. Even though two fertilized late, that cycle was the roller coaster that jumped the rails, leaving me flat.

Before FET#2, I thought something must have been off with the first cycle that couldn't possibly occur again. When the embryologist shared that one of the embryos was hatching, I kind of thought we had it in the bag. Today as I was driving to my appointment, I just hurt.  There's no way I would ever be in the depths of despair that I was before E, but it was harder to take than I ever thought.

For IVF#3 (with donor eggs), we took some time off to regroup and I entered it with a kind of "whatever be will be" attitude.  I knew it was the last treatment we would try, and I was okay with that. This last FET is shaping up the same way for us.

I just hope we find the success we did the first time.



  1. I too hope you are successful with your next cycle. I too found myself comparing this past failed cycle to a failed cycle before we conceived our little guy. I hope everything works out perfectly for you with your FET.

  2. Really hoping for some good news for you.

  3. I have everything crossed for you! As far as the article goes I immediately thought of you but they are looking for sisters for this particular article. I did give the editor your blog though in case they do any follow up articles. The article will be published in Glamour Magazine in January.