Sunday, September 20, 2009


I'm not compulsive about many things, but planning out pathways of the future is one of them. I can tell you about the weather, housing costs, teacher's salaries, things to do, and the nearest IVF clinics for the top three bases where we'd like to be stationed. If we get sent somewhere else, I have no problem figuring out a new plan. When thinking about vacations, I do the same thing. It's part of the whole experience for me.

Infertility throws another huge twist into the mix.

How do I plan for a maybe family? How do I plan for not having a family? Should I just plan life and let the rest happen? I think that might be a thought for the fertile world, but not-so-much for IFers.

The reason this comes up is because I found a new doctoral program that exactly fits my ultimate career desires. I've looked at a ton of programs and never found one that I literally fell in love with. There are no Army bases near the school, but V said if I can get accepted, he'll make something work for us.

So then I dare to think, what if round 2 (ding) works? Could I, would I...want to do still do this program?

I haven't felt any huge career desires in awhile. There are things I want, but I've been very content in teaching my kids and continuing to improve my skills in the classroom. Moreover, I've been extremely happy just being able to spend time with my husband and enjoy life. So to have this awakening of desire is just flat out strange to me. It's the same kind of desire I feel to have a munchkin of my own.

It's funny, but I feel almost guilty for thinking of something other than wanting to have my munchkin.

What am I thinking!?


**Two seconds after I wrote this post, I checked my email and my mom said:
"That means Dad and I would need to move that direction to take care of the baby/babies. Very exciting!"


  1. It's great that you've found passion again for something in addition to wanting a little munchkin. I wish I did too. Very much.

  2. It's amazing to think of all the couples that get knocked up first and THEN think long and hard about what else they want in life. We IF chickees oddly have nothing but time, and are forced to plan, plan, and plan some more. It's exhuasting isn't it?

  3. I must add that in addition to planning, you worry!!!!!! And I'm not talking about IVF. As your big sister, I would say go for it, but really, you might want to make sure your husband is aware of what you are like when you are crazy busy!

  4. It is so difficult to plan when you have no way of knowing what the future holds. I guess it is just part of the drama and mindf@uck of IF. I feel your pain.