WW

ailure with a capital F

I have absolutely nothing to be depressed about because there are so many freaking good things in my life. But the fact of the matter is that I've been in the dumps. Can't write blogs without hating them. Can't say what I really want to. Don't really want to get out of bed.

In fact my bed calls to me the siren song of egyptian cotton and a soft sleep# setting of 35 which Sweetpea and I both go for. I want to go there pretty much 24-7 and with my feet slid under her for warmth and a book in my hand until I slip into oblivion. Because if I'm asleep I really don't have to think of much.

If I'm in oblivion I don't have to feel like a failure for not working more than I do, for not knowing when I should refuse a shipment because they turn my Nordictrack on end instead of laying it flat like instructed, for not going to exercise, for drinking my DietDrPepper with evil caffeine, for having endless cravings for mintchocolatechipicecreamwithasecondscoopofrockyroadfrombaskinrobins, for procrastinating my endless grading. . .

None of this should rationally be a reason for me to feel like I'm swimming in the failure bucket.  The fact is that I'm approaching another situation where failure is reasonable and even probable. Thirty-seven percent of people in this situation at my clinic "are unsuccessful." Have you ever noticed that unsuccessful has a big FU in it? Yep, that's exactly what this would be.

While Fairyeggs might not be twenty-one, she's healthy, strong and fertile. She's had three children in the not too distant past. If I can't get knocked up with her eggs, then I have to wonder if it's more than just crappy eggs.

This has to be it.  Just like fertility drugs and IVF cycles had to be it. This delusion of hope that I have is simply going to wreck me, again. I know this. I know this, and I still have hope inside of me.

I'd just rather go to bed than think about all of this.

xoxo

FairyEggs

Here I am again!  This is real!  We are going through with this!  Sometimes it still feels unreal that fifteen years after meeting J that we will be going through this together.  I think this makes us related now.  I feel like she is my sister, so now we can just make it official! 

I am excited and admittedly a little nervous.  I will be taking crazy drugs (that I heard will make me a bit fat and have a mean headache) and leaving my family for ten days.  I have never been away from my husband that long in the ten years we have been married.  Not to mention the two other kids I will be leaving at home.  Thankfully I have a great friend who will be keeping them and is hugely supportive and a WONDERFUL husband who thinks this is a great idea! 

I also have to say thanks to the entire family who will be putting up with me, Tink and my mom for a very long time.  Hopefully we will be the best house guests ever!!!  My school has been extremely understanding and wishes everyone the best of luck.  It is amazing the support I have been getting from them.  I found out our assistant principal went through the exact same thing and ended up adopting a little girl.  You never know who you will meet that will endure the heartache that so many of you have felt.  I hope that this act will not only help a wonderful man and woman to be parents, but that everyone has hope of someone giving the gift to you, whether it is through adoption, egg donation or just support and understanding.  After reading several of your blogs, I wish the same for all of you.  I have a whole new perspective on infertility that I never had to think of and I am a better person for having been directly involved in the process.

Wish us luck!   Does anyone think that acupuncture will help me with making good healthy sticky eggs?

xoxo

You know it's bad when...

...your credit card company calls to ensure that all of those crazy charges coming through today really are in fact, your charges.

• A plane ticket from Missouri to LA? Yep.
• An ungodly amount of fertility drugs from a pharmacy in LA? Yes-sir-ee!
• Two plane tickets for Fairyeggs and her daughter, Tink? Absolutely!
• Two new very snuggly warm fleeces? No, I have absolutely not bought bought those. Nope.

Seriously they called. :)

Hopefully Tink will do a little snuggling with me so I can exude the maternal hormones that will attract my embies to indeed stay around. Positive thoughts right?


Tickets are bought! Meds are purchased! Hip hip hurray!

We have a calendar!

Our calendar was sent today with egg retrieval approximately 2/4 - 2/6 and transfer 2/9 - 2/12.

We are slowly wading through flights and babysitter arrangements...

Thinking about planning a Disneyland visit while we're at it...

I can not wait to get going!

Yay!

xoxo

Who goes there?

This week we are celebrating all of the lurkers of the world. 


You know who you are, the ones who read but never comment. 


Yes, dad and FairyEgg's mom, that includes you along with anyone else who visits!


So today, leave a comment. Say hi. Wave! 


Lots of love to all of you lurkers! Common' delurk already!


xoxo

holidays are done...

Okay clinic, the holidays are done.

Now, and I mean right now, it's time to get going on all of the January cycles we've all been obsessing over waiting for since November.

So you've had your vacation. As of Monday, it's over.  Adios. Sayon-ara.  An-yong ka-sayo. Buh bye.

Turkey has been consumed.
Christmas presents have been ripped open.
The ball has dropped.
The trees are down.

Now it's time to prepare yourself because

We.

Are.

Coming.

Now give me my damn calendar! xoxo