Well ladies and gents, we are blasting off tonight with a little HCG at 9 pm tonight!
Today the four of us trotted off to Westwood this morning for another date with the dildo cam. Yes, that would be four of us because FairyEgg's mom finally arrived to join the party! Whoot! She stayed with Tink in the playroom while we went in for our check. FairyEggs literally was so nervous that she felt like she was going to puke on the way down there. As of now there are about five mature eggs and five smaller ones still coming along. We obviously don't want to lose the five that are ready to go so we are triggering tonight!
FairyEggs literally had tears running down her face as we were talking to the nurse because she was disappointed with the number. It didn't help that Dr. Leprechaun has some issues with tact as he said, "You are not a good donor." I immediately piped up with, "No, you are a good donor!" Groan, can't you phrase that some other way? Anyway, while we were talking to the nurse she said, "He's rude sometimes, just ignore him." Can you not see that they have dealt with this before? Anyway, while we were reviewing our instructions with the nurse, I started bouncing around. How can I not? I might not be getting twenty eggs from a twenty-one year old little thang. But I am going to get around five eggs from a girl who can obviously have healthy children and who happens to be one of the dearest people in my life. All I need is for some of those eggs to be good ones! At this point I just don't care about the other crap! This process is all about taking everything one day at a time and dealing with things as they come. Today, I'm happy because I have a chance. It seems better than what I've had so far.
Retrieval is set for Saturday at 9 am.
Faith, trust and a little pixie dust. :) xoxo
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Stim Day 11
It's hard for me to be hopeful during the cycle right now. I caught some nasty germ from the airport or mouseland that now has me feeling like death warmed over. I literally slept all day today trying to knock it out. After all, this is really not the freaking time to get sick! My throat is killing me and my body literally feels like a truck ran over me, backed up to see what it hit, and then decided to put me out of my misery with one last smush. . . Some of the stuff kind of comes and goes, but overall, it just keeps coming.
Monday we went back to the doctor's office which definitely has a different atmosphere than my last clinic. I'm not so much concerned about the atmosphere as I am with how FairyEggs feels and the outcome. My first lining check was great at 10 mm with a triple stripe. Whoot. FairyEgg's ten follicles were actually measured this time and ranged from 8 - 12 mm. The doc thinks that the egg retrieval will be pushed to Sunday which is the day before FairyEggs is scheduled to go home. Argh! I don't want her to travel that quickly, but I guess we'll have to roll with it! We are also unsure with what happens to the eggs when you stim for twelve (or more) days. We're hoping for quality eggs.
Tomorrow FairyEgg's mom comes to visit and help out in just being here for her daughter. They really have a beautiful relationship, and I love them both dearly.
With this cycle, I have definitely reverted back to guarding my heart very carefully. I want this to happen, but I dare not hope or get ahead of myself in the planning. One step at a time right? I am also bogged down in the day to day reality of the waiting. Besides the cyle, I think about spending quality time with FairyEggs, Tink, and my family, keeping up with my work schedule from home, staying connected with my hubby and helping him edit his Masters papers, and helping out around the house.
After plunking down another $750 for FDA labs that have already been run, but have to be done again within 30 days of the egg donation and another $1k on medications, I think my husband finally tapped out. He said to me the other day that we should plan on this being our last cycle. As much as I figured this would be our last try at a fresh cycle, I've still been considering embryo donation as an option if this cycle doesn't work out. Who knows? Day by day.
xoxo
Monday we went back to the doctor's office which definitely has a different atmosphere than my last clinic. I'm not so much concerned about the atmosphere as I am with how FairyEggs feels and the outcome. My first lining check was great at 10 mm with a triple stripe. Whoot. FairyEgg's ten follicles were actually measured this time and ranged from 8 - 12 mm. The doc thinks that the egg retrieval will be pushed to Sunday which is the day before FairyEggs is scheduled to go home. Argh! I don't want her to travel that quickly, but I guess we'll have to roll with it! We are also unsure with what happens to the eggs when you stim for twelve (or more) days. We're hoping for quality eggs.
Tomorrow FairyEgg's mom comes to visit and help out in just being here for her daughter. They really have a beautiful relationship, and I love them both dearly.
With this cycle, I have definitely reverted back to guarding my heart very carefully. I want this to happen, but I dare not hope or get ahead of myself in the planning. One step at a time right? I am also bogged down in the day to day reality of the waiting. Besides the cyle, I think about spending quality time with FairyEggs, Tink, and my family, keeping up with my work schedule from home, staying connected with my hubby and helping him edit his Masters papers, and helping out around the house.
After plunking down another $750 for FDA labs that have already been run, but have to be done again within 30 days of the egg donation and another $1k on medications, I think my husband finally tapped out. He said to me the other day that we should plan on this being our last cycle. As much as I figured this would be our last try at a fresh cycle, I've still been considering embryo donation as an option if this cycle doesn't work out. Who knows? Day by day.
xoxo
Sunday, January 31, 2010
It's not often
It's not often that I get wrapped up in the Disney magic. But let me tell you that watching a three year old delight in "It's a Small World" is pretty magical. FairyEggs's daughter, Tink, had so much fun seeing all of the fairies and princesses that roam those grounds.
Then as we were leaving for the day, I ran across this shirt in one of the stores on Main Street.
I must say that this went straight through my hormonally charged body, like an arrow into my heart. I wanted so badly to wear it to my transfer, but alas it was only in kid size. But the message is there.
"All you need is faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie dust."
xoxo
Then as we were leaving for the day, I ran across this shirt in one of the stores on Main Street.
I must say that this went straight through my hormonally charged body, like an arrow into my heart. I wanted so badly to wear it to my transfer, but alas it was only in kid size. But the message is there.
"All you need is faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie dust."
xoxo
Friday, January 29, 2010
The First U/S - Day 7 of stims
Quick update:
FairyEggs, Tink and I flew into California yesterday and went in for her first ultrasound today. She is on stim day seven and the doc quickly counted ten follicles that were just around eight millimeters. FairyEggs is incredibly upset about her eggs being small at this point. However, having been through it, I understand how it can take longer to stim and that an increase in meds can do a lot.
I think part of her felt like she was going to come in and be my white knight, the final key into helping me get knocked up. She always jokes, that being fertile is one things she is really good at! (This kind of pisses me off as she's an incredibly wonderful person) After my past experiences, I really don't count on anything until it happens in the world of IF because I know how things change. We talked a lot about it today as we were stuck in traffic coming home from the docs office. It's just so easy to get your hope knocked around in this process.
Please keep us in your thoughts. I'm taking her to Disneyland tomorrow, so I hopefully it will be a cheerful day. :)
xoxo
FairyEggs, Tink and I flew into California yesterday and went in for her first ultrasound today. She is on stim day seven and the doc quickly counted ten follicles that were just around eight millimeters. FairyEggs is incredibly upset about her eggs being small at this point. However, having been through it, I understand how it can take longer to stim and that an increase in meds can do a lot.
I think part of her felt like she was going to come in and be my white knight, the final key into helping me get knocked up. She always jokes, that being fertile is one things she is really good at! (This kind of pisses me off as she's an incredibly wonderful person) After my past experiences, I really don't count on anything until it happens in the world of IF because I know how things change. We talked a lot about it today as we were stuck in traffic coming home from the docs office. It's just so easy to get your hope knocked around in this process.
Please keep us in your thoughts. I'm taking her to Disneyland tomorrow, so I hopefully it will be a cheerful day. :)
xoxo
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Lovely Bears
Today we received our third treadmill since November. I'm seriously crossing my fingers that this one is it, although I really could have used it before this cycle got going. The fact that it arrives the day before I leave for California is like the universe telling me I don't really need it, right? No, I really do!
But at this point I'm certainly not worrying about things like that because I hope to have a delightful little belly bump in a few months. Can you believe the hope that is spreading onto this page? It's there inside of me from my head to my painted pink toes. This just happened this afternoon with the pulling out of the suitcase and the packing of my syringes.
Since this is the third, three hundred pound machine, I have politely declined to haul it from our garage through the kitchen and into the living room. It's a paper weight on steroids that happens to bend and fold as you shuffle along with it. It's really not a pretty sight to see me helping.
Instead, my hubby has enlisted the help of his friends from class. One of the guys is this tall strapping fellow with reddish blond hair whom we've only known since October yet he and his wife are some of those instant friends you make moving from station to station in the Army. The other, is a totally earnest guy, who luckily is alone right now since his shrew of a wife is not local. We've known him for several years since he was also stationed at Fort Polk.
The most beautiful thing came from these two lovely bears of men. Separately, they both wished me the best of luck over the next couple of weeks for this cycle. What was incredibly lovely was that you could tell they meant it from the bottom of their hearts. They were both so sincere in quietly telling me this....I can only imagine how strange it is to broach that kind of subject with your friend's wife. It was simply beautiful to have this unconditional support offered up so freely from an unexpected source.
We are lucky to have so much love around us. I guess it is in the hardest of times that you see what is in the heart of the people who surround you.
More to come from California....xoxo
But at this point I'm certainly not worrying about things like that because I hope to have a delightful little belly bump in a few months. Can you believe the hope that is spreading onto this page? It's there inside of me from my head to my painted pink toes. This just happened this afternoon with the pulling out of the suitcase and the packing of my syringes.
Since this is the third, three hundred pound machine, I have politely declined to haul it from our garage through the kitchen and into the living room. It's a paper weight on steroids that happens to bend and fold as you shuffle along with it. It's really not a pretty sight to see me helping.
Instead, my hubby has enlisted the help of his friends from class. One of the guys is this tall strapping fellow with reddish blond hair whom we've only known since October yet he and his wife are some of those instant friends you make moving from station to station in the Army. The other, is a totally earnest guy, who luckily is alone right now since his shrew of a wife is not local. We've known him for several years since he was also stationed at Fort Polk.
The most beautiful thing came from these two lovely bears of men. Separately, they both wished me the best of luck over the next couple of weeks for this cycle. What was incredibly lovely was that you could tell they meant it from the bottom of their hearts. They were both so sincere in quietly telling me this....I can only imagine how strange it is to broach that kind of subject with your friend's wife. It was simply beautiful to have this unconditional support offered up so freely from an unexpected source.
We are lucky to have so much love around us. I guess it is in the hardest of times that you see what is in the heart of the people who surround you.
More to come from California....xoxo
FairyEggs is back!
If “Muffin Top” is a good thing, then I must have thousands of eggies to hand over…..Now, I had a bit of a muffin before this started, but it is OUT OF CONTROL NOW! I have been working hard for three years to get rid of the baby belly and now I am right back where I was a couple of years ago. Albeit, for a great reason. I have forced myself to stay away from the scale because I know it will be bad news. This comes off pretty quick, right?
My emotions are a different story. I feel like a train wreck. It feels a bit like post partum depression. I don’t care about anything. My house, my work, if my kids are clean or if I make everyone around me miserable. My eight year old asked me if I had taken my “grumpy medicine” today because of how I was treating everyone. I feel bad, but not bad enough to change my behavior. The only person I want to talk to is my husband or my mom or J about how crappy I feel. I have virtually ignored all of my friends and even my sister because of the apathy. I can put up the front at work and by the time I make it home I have nothing left to give anyone else. Thankfully, I have the most amazing man in the world supporting me and loving me. He keeps telling me this is temporary and will be over soon. He has only bruised me a bit, so I don’t have anything to complain about there.
Enough complaining. We are excited to go on this adventure! Disneyland, Huntington Beach and maybe Rodeo Drive in our future! I am excited about my mom coming out and staying with us and just hanging out with us. Wish us luck! We are hoping for the best possible scenario!!! By the way, I would do this all again in a heart beat for my best friend in the whole world. You are amazing!
xoxo
How can you not love this girl! ;) j
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Family & Cycle Update
The whole point of this journey is to grow our family. So it seems so ironic that now, right now is when we lose someone. My brother-in-law did pass away on Monday a few minutes after they removed the respirator. I'm so glad that two of his kids were there to be with him in his final moments. They are planning to do a memorial service sometime in the upcoming months when all of the family can get together. I know that there is anger and sadness amongst the family, so I hope that by that time, some of the anger will have passed. My nephew was incredibly sweet in telling me that we could wait until I was done with this cycle so I could be there, since I'm family.
Today I was thinking about the loss of my BIL in terms of our future family. Some of my favorite memories as a kid are with my aunts, uncles, and numerous cousins. Towel fights, fourth of July firecrackers, thanksgiving meals, lots of hugs and head rumples... I'm sad that my kids won't know their crazy uncle and whatever fun he would have had.
****
Our cycle is indeed continuing on schedule. FairyEggs wrote me an email the other night saying she felt like a pincushion. I laughed knowing exactly the feeling. Her first bruise came to visit on day three thanks to some handy work by her husband. I mean that in the nicest of ways since I always had several little bruises dotting my stomach! The other good news is she's feeling swollen and the muffin top is starting to come to visit! I'm hoping that this is a good sign that the drugs are in fact working. Wheee! It's torture to wait until day seven to see how the follies are doing! Torture I tell you!
Tonight I got to do my own little twist for my delestrogen shot on my right upper butt cheek since hubby was at a night class. Hehe. Apparently he is better at it that I am since I immediately spurted some vampire juice and he has yet to breech a vein. Hmmph.
In two days we'll be heading to California....then the fun will really start!
xoxo
Today I was thinking about the loss of my BIL in terms of our future family. Some of my favorite memories as a kid are with my aunts, uncles, and numerous cousins. Towel fights, fourth of July firecrackers, thanksgiving meals, lots of hugs and head rumples... I'm sad that my kids won't know their crazy uncle and whatever fun he would have had.
****
Our cycle is indeed continuing on schedule. FairyEggs wrote me an email the other night saying she felt like a pincushion. I laughed knowing exactly the feeling. Her first bruise came to visit on day three thanks to some handy work by her husband. I mean that in the nicest of ways since I always had several little bruises dotting my stomach! The other good news is she's feeling swollen and the muffin top is starting to come to visit! I'm hoping that this is a good sign that the drugs are in fact working. Wheee! It's torture to wait until day seven to see how the follies are doing! Torture I tell you!
Tonight I got to do my own little twist for my delestrogen shot on my right upper butt cheek since hubby was at a night class. Hehe. Apparently he is better at it that I am since I immediately spurted some vampire juice and he has yet to breech a vein. Hmmph.
In two days we'll be heading to California....then the fun will really start!
xoxo
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