Magical Thinking

A few weeks ago I was reading a blog that mentioned the magical thinking that we associate with IVF. You know what I'm talking about,

...the lucky socks,

...positive attitude,

...good vibes that we send to our nether regions in hopes of increasing our odds of getting knocked up through the incredibly technical process but not exact science of reproductive endocrinology.

While I don't think the lucky socks are going to increase my odds, I do feel that the positivity will get me somewhere with this cycle. For example, if I focus on being positive and happy, my body will not be stressed and will be able to optimally react to the cycle. Is this magical thinking?

If, instead of generally being a good patient, I tear into everyone around me and stress myself out with angry and uptight thoughts will it really make a difference? If I'm just numb to the whole process, will it change my odds?

Who knows.

...I just think of cancer patients fighting through chemo after unbelievable odds. One thing they always say is that those patients were incredibly positive.

....Because I relate everything to IF, I was also thinking about the idea of Noetic Science in Dan Brown's new book and how it relates.

The IVF process just seems so technical at moments, yet at the same time unable to explain so much. I think that's why I have drifted into pondering this magical thinking. Hmm. Maybe I should just go back to watching the UFC fight with my husband. That's not so complicated.

xoxo

Presents!

My early birthday presents are here! Today the man in the brown uniform rang my doorbell and handed it over. Meanwhile the packers were busy in my house delicately wrapping each item and lauding my husband's AMS (You can kind of see some of the boxes in the background). I couldn't break out my presents while they were here, so I tucked the precious refrigerated portion away and went back to watching other people work. Yeah, it was rough.

So I broke out the box and thank goodness I did! Apparently I have a special mixed version of Lupron that requires refrigeration upon receipt.

Here is what the Credit Card bought me!

Prepping: Follistim (900 iu), Menopur, Lupron 40 mcg/0.2mL

Accessories: What girl doesn't love her accessories! Follistim pen (because I don't already have three), sharps container 1.5 qt, 22 gauge syringes, 25 gauge needles, insulin sized needles

For after ER: Cefadroxil, Femtrace, Methylpred tab, and my favorite Crinone Gel Vag 2-1 applicator to replace the PIO shots.

Then do you know what that Credit Card bitch did? She stuck me with the bill. Who sticks a girl with the bill for her own birthday present? $2538. It could have been worse, I had some presents left over from last time.

I feel pretty, oh so pretty...xoxo

The wacky, ups, downs, and countdowns

The wacky: My husband and I have become a little obsessed with the Gei.ko commercials with the stack of money, eyes, and the music "Somebody's Watching Me...". So last night I put this in our refrigerator. When hubby opened the fridge to get his c.oke, I started humming the song. lol.

The Up: It's hard for me to believe that we've kicked our moving list's butt and finished everything on it! My hubby wandered around the house on Sunday looking for something to do, but couldn't find anything. Believe me, if you saw how organized my house is right now, you would definitely diagnose my husband with AMS (Anal Military Syndrome). Go AMS!

The Down: As much as I am trying to get positive about round #2, I feel kind of numb about it. I want to be positive. But, I'm just haven't been feeling it. I don't even know what to say about it.

The Countdowns:

1 day until I order my meds

2 days until the packers come

4 days until the movers come

8 days until the baseline u/s after BCP

xoxo

Our world changed

Today is such a strange day because people have such varied reactions in remembering 9/11.

I feel like I have to remember what happened. Every year I find a video of it and watch it to force myself to remember what it felt like.

Why?

Because 9/11 changed how Americans felt about each other. Together as a nation, we came to a consensus of what was important.

In the ensuing years, we have fallen back into our divisive and splintered ways, which is normal. But on this day, I remember the sacrifice that united us as a country.

For V and I, the aftermath is not over. 9/11 was the catalyst that eventually sent our troops into Afghanistan and Iraq. V has served a combined three years in these countries over the last six years.

While our relationship is strong, I have seen what these deployments have done to other military families. It's hard.

So today I remember the people that died.

I remember the selfless people who helped.

xoxo

Ramblings about my plans....

After looking at our schedule for the next few weeks, we decided to bite the bullet and book a hotel for the mad week of IVF appointments. Yep, no more cursing the early-morning, caffeine-free, two and a half hour, one-way trips! Whoohoo!

This actually isn't completely about the drive but rather about setting up our household goods in Missouri. If V goes up the first day we can get into our Missouri rental, he can get our stuff delivered and partially unpacked via the sure-to-be-grumpy-about-unpacking-movers. Most Army families never make them unpack, but it's part of what they're paid for. . . so, bite me! LOL Since I will be useless in unpacking during my 2ww, this will take a huge burden off of me to have this done before I get up there.

Meanwhile, I'll be down in Lafayette relaxing poolside and driving the five minutes to my appointment. My darling Sweetpea will be with me, so we'll have to check out the nearby parks to walk in every day. This also means we have to stay in a pet friendly hotel which means frozen grapes delivered by the cabana boy is probably out. I guess I'll deal with my in room refrigerator for my thousands of dollars of meds. LOL

xoxo

All Quiet on the Cini's Front

Things over here on the Cini's front are quiet.

Hubby and I get up every day and knock out a few rooms of taping, priming, and painting. Thankfully the end is in sight, and we are just two rooms and a few touch ups away from finishing. Whew, I can't wait!

I do however feel like a terrible housecleaner since I have a down and dirty view of my baseboards while I tape them up. Yeah, it's a little gross. For someone who cleans and scrubs regularly with vigor, I have to admit that the dog hair and dust have piled up on the four millimeter top edge of the board. Hmm, mother would not approve.

On the IF front, I am simply swallowing my spearmint BCP that I swear is giving me huge hunger cravings. Every one but Y.az does that to me. Boo. Meanwhile in contradiction to the BCP, I'm indulging in some fun coloring with my husband since he's been home.

Here are the countdowns:

*8 days until I call to order my magical box of fertility meds that will seriously deplete out our bank account. Since we're bringing out the big guns this time, I imagine it will be a huge scary bill.

*9 days until the packers come

*11 days until the movers come

*13 days until my last BCP

*15 days until my baseline after BCP

Until then, I will keep painting, working my tail off, and counting down these days!

xoxo

Lucky 33

Between waiting for IVF round 2 (ding!) and waiting to move, I feel like I'm doing a lot of things simply to pass the time until these two events. There seems like endless lists of things to accomplish to prep the house for rental and to wrap up our lives here. However, since most of it is just yucky adult work, I simply look forward to the day passing so that I am one step closer to what is coming.

In my spare time, I have been searching for some optimism. Yes, my innocent optimism of IVF round one is gone. My bubble has burst.

So in my search, I realized that I will be turning 33 years old this month. Getting older never bothers me because, let's face it, my husband will always be nine years older! Haha honey.

Getting back to the point, I love pretty much any variation of 3 or the repeating of it (33, 333, 3333). Whether on the volleyball court or on the roulette table, it's brought me luck. So, thinking about the next year of my life, I have decided that 33 is going to be one of those years for me. One of those years that things fall into place and you are surrounded by people who love you.

Part of this is absolutely in my control and other parts are....well, not so much! I'm going to commit myself to a year of family, friends and the fundamentals (3 things :)) and let the rest of it take care of itself.

Family - My husband is actually going to be home for this entire year--hubby time! We're also already planning my family's first trip out to our new home Missouri for Thanksgiving which is my absolute favorite holiday.

Friends - Since my BFF and kiddos are now in Ohio, I'm planning to make a trip out to see them on a long weekend this fall. I'm also thinking about signing up for the Disney Princess Half-Marathon so that I could have a girls weekend down in Florida in the Spring.

Fundamentals - You know, back to the basics with exercise and food.

So, my hope is that while I focus on my life beyond IF, things will fall into place. My birthday then stim start! I hope I will find that 33 is indeed a lucky year for me. And that, ladies, is where my optimisim is starting from.

xoxo