Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Tears and Hope

The other night I was indulging myself in a little blog reading after E went to bed. Despite the homework that was nagging me, I felt like I had earned a few minutes of goofing off time since my husband is out of town and winter is driving me a little stir-crazy. 

In the course of my readings, I came across a post about a blogger who is going to donate her remaining embryos.

And I cried.

There was something in that moment that reopened the longing that I still have for a second child despite my decision. While I made a decision, I reconsider it frequently. Because despite the fact that a second pregnancy comes with risks, I could have a successful and relatively normal pregnancy with an early cerclage. 

The other issue that I didn't bring up before...

We have been on the Miracles Waiting website for almost two years and have never been the right match with another family. While I've had several people make inquiries, the fact that we are too far away with the military, have a child already, are not religious enough, or not liberal have seemed to be factors. We are just kind of a middle of the road family--financially stable, teacher and soldier, not particularly religious but with strong values, more on the conservative side of things, with a son and a dog! Even though I never mention it to anyone, the seeming rejection has also taken a toll on me.

So when I read a post about a person deciding to share her embryos with another family, hope reopened. I have simply never known anyone in the position to do this. The thought behind her generosity gave me hope that eventually we might find someone who felt like we were a good match.

I wrote her an email and also attached our profile for her consideration. As I said to her, stranger things have been known to happen. But at the same time, I feel kind of awkward that it might feel like pressure coming from a blog reader. Social faux pas for one? Thank you very much. 



  1. I can see how that is very awkward, but I can also see how you couldn't NOT do it!!!

    Ohh, I just want you to end up happy, whatever it is you do!

  2. These are some big deals, my friend. I hope the right things happen at the right time and you are endlessly happy about it, whatever "it" is.

  3. Oh, Jen, these *are* some heavy things, girl! I don't think there is a wrong answer in any this. You must do what brings you the greater amount of peace, you know? I don't think it was inappropriate to email the blogger, simply for the fact that it may give you some comfort to know that you've pursued as many avenues as possible. Hope eternally makes us her bitch.

  4. Nothing at all wrong with bringing up your profile to them (I don't think). I hope that things work out in the best way. I agree with Trinity's last sentence though...just a constant dangling carrot no matter the situation it seems.

  5. I think it was perfectly fine to email the blogger. My daughter is the result of a directed embryo donation from another blogger. My donor found me through LFCA. Hope it works out!

  6. Oh, Lovie, my prayers are with you for another miracle. If lightening can strike twice, so can miracles. Fingers crossed, rubbing Budda's belly, and all that!!!

  7. Jen...we have mailed before and I totally understand where you are coming from. I know you will have to travel no matter the donation due to no RE's in your area...so if you are serious....I still say give CA Conceptions a review. The have a shared donation program that does not have a long waiting list and ha a money back guarantee if you don't get prego in 3 tries. AND...best of all...they don't care if you have kids, are liberal, religious or conservative...the founding Dr. is a retired AirForce Doctor and we love him and his staff. We did our IVF there for our son and our embryo donation with our daughter.

    If your heart strings are still pulling you to grow your family...I think all options explored are valid....even a little blog stalking. Good luck and you know you can contact me any time if you want more information.