A note from E

Hi Hi hi hi

My auntie is here! Even with an ear infection, I'm all smiles for her.

O'tay I'm off to play!

xoxo

Despite the breakup of winter, my yard is still buried in snow. Each day the sun makes a little progress is melting the snow away creating little holes across my icy lawn. Water has started trickling down my gutters which makes me contemplate buying E some rain boots.

I am five weeks away from finishing my second masters. My to-do list still overwhelms me a little, but I see some pinpricks of light that signal the end of this torture!

Over the last week, I have gone from shell-shocked to bursting with joy over our match. I'll be sharing more deets with you soon. For now, the doc has approved the embies, and we retained a lawyer to draw up our contract. Now we wait for the contract and shipping. 

In the meantime, I'm returning the single umbrella stroller I bought a few weeks ago. I'm just hoping we need something a little different...

xoxo

Spring in Alaska

Welcome to Spring!

How long do you think it will take for the snow to melt?

xoxo

M is for...

M is for matched.

Miraculously matched with six magical embryos through blogging.

Who would have ever thought it could happen?

I'm going to try to be a mom again.

xoxo

Baking!

One of the things I've been so looking forward to doing with E is baking. I must admit I felt a little bit brave handing over control of the whisk to a 17 month old...but, it was FUN! We tackled a simple yogurt cake with a blackberry puree mixed in from the leftover baby food!

My big boy standing on the step stool! All of the supplies are out and ready to go here!

The measuring cup was his fave! 

Do you notice that the flour is now all over! :D

Hmm...blackberry puree makes it so tasty!

I'm so tired mommy. Can you clean up?

Kind of funky looking, but yummy!

xoxo

:)

So I heard back from the super generous blogger who is sharing her embryos with a family. I no longer feel awkward. :D

*******

To make your day a little brighter....this is our walk to the mailbox.

Such happy little steps.

xoxo

Ouch.

Today, I opened up the mail and found a baby shower invitation.

Ya know, the kind that I had no f'ing clue was coming.

Because I had no f'ing idea that she was pregnant.

And she knows all about what we went through to get E.

If I'm important enough to be invited to your baby shower, I think I rate a simple FB message at some point.

I called my sister and left a ranting message.

Then I called my husband and vented for about 30 seconds. 

And then I felt better. 

My husband was pretty amused at my brief flip out. What made him laugh was that I stopped him when he started to explain it away. As I told him, I get it. I get that there are a ton of explanations. I'm not even mad. But I just needed to yell "ouch" when I got b---- slapped! 

xoxo

Tears and Hope

The other night I was indulging myself in a little blog reading after E went to bed. Despite the homework that was nagging me, I felt like I had earned a few minutes of goofing off time since my husband is out of town and winter is driving me a little stir-crazy. 

In the course of my readings, I came across a post about a blogger who is going to donate her remaining embryos.

And I cried.

There was something in that moment that reopened the longing that I still have for a second child despite my decision. While I made a decision, I reconsider it frequently. Because despite the fact that a second pregnancy comes with risks, I could have a successful and relatively normal pregnancy with an early cerclage. 

The other issue that I didn't bring up before...

We have been on the Miracles Waiting website for almost two years and have never been the right match with another family. While I've had several people make inquiries, the fact that we are too far away with the military, have a child already, are not religious enough, or not liberal have seemed to be factors. We are just kind of a middle of the road family--financially stable, teacher and soldier, not particularly religious but with strong values, more on the conservative side of things, with a son and a dog! Even though I never mention it to anyone, the seeming rejection has also taken a toll on me.

So when I read a post about a person deciding to share her embryos with another family, hope reopened. I have simply never known anyone in the position to do this. The thought behind her generosity gave me hope that eventually we might find someone who felt like we were a good match.

I wrote her an email and also attached our profile for her consideration. As I said to her, stranger things have been known to happen. But at the same time, I feel kind of awkward that it might feel like pressure coming from a blog reader. Social faux pas for one? Thank you very much. 

xoxo