So I went to the doctor on Tuesday to follow up from my ER visit (I know it's strange to go to the ER for mastitis but that's the way the military health care system works.) Much to my chagrin, over the weekend my non-infected breast started turning red and hot. How on earth can a girl can get mastitis while on antibiotics? Well apparently my infections have become resistant to the antibiotics which is t-r-o-u-b-l-e.
After a consultation with another doctor, my guy came back with two options: 1) throw in the towel or 2) the next time I get an infection, be admitted for IV-antibiotics.
Seriously? I usually don't feel much about this kind of crap as I try to focus on what I have to do next. Inevitably though, I spent about five minutes raging inside.
Part of me would like to blame the doctor and say that he hasn't really researched everything I could possibly do. But some things are simple. With my history, I'm more than likely to get it again. The treatment options (or non-options) are clear. The choice is still mine to make even though it is apparent what the docs think I should do.
But part of me just wants someone to say, you can't continue. Because without this clear directive, I feel like I'm quitting on my kiddo.
What I really need to do is take my own advice and be happy that I have managed to do this for three months.
I know it's not the end of the world to stop breast-feeding baby E at three months. I just want so much to be able to provide for him my excellent fatty booby juice that has immunities and has enabled him to almost double his birth weight. That's just it, it's something I want. This desire isn't a statement about the pros and cons of formula. It's just what I want--why can't I get what I want!!!
With that attitude, a temper tantrum should ensue but yeah, I guess I'll be an adult and deal with it by moving on and figuring out the formula deal.
xoxo
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So frustrating!! Hopefully once the decision ismade you'll feel much better! Big hugs.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I know. Why can't something so fundamentally simple just be on our terms? At least we know formula fed babies do just fine, and we've given our boys a few solid months of breast milk. That's something to feel good about.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on hanging in there and doing it for three months. I could not breastfeed due to adoption so here's my formula advice. As you know my lil P and E are close in age. We use Similiac Advance. I did alot of research and that was my top brand. When they gave it to him in the hospital I was thrilled because he's never had to change. I know they say generics are suppose to be the same and cheaper but he's my firstborn and I'll pay extra for brand name. We use Avent 9 oz bottles which I love. Dr. Brown's are good if they have a lot of reflux, but they had to many parts for us. P also uses a size 2 Avent nipple. I'm sorry you have to stop but I hope this helps. If you have any questions you can email me at twodogmama@gmail.com.
ReplyDeleteOh, BUMMER! I think it is so strange how many times you have gotten mastitis. That really sucks.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. Although you feel like your quitting on your baby (which obviously you're not) remember you can't do anything for your baby if you're sick--which you are if you have bilateral mastitis.
ReplyDeleteI understand the frustrations of getting sicker while being on a medicine that are supposed to be making you better. I'm going through it now myself. I blamed my doctors thinking they should have known better but then I realized my body is just being an ass for whatever reason.
I can't tell you what you should or shouldn't do but don't get frustrated with your body. You didn't just wake up one day and decide breastfeeding was too hard and you gave up.
How frustrating. You really have gone above and beyond for this baby, both in your efforts to conceive him and now your efforts to breastfeed. Whatever you decide to do, don't feel guilty about your decision. You've really taken good care of him, and breastmilk or formula, you'll still be a great mom.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear you are going through this. I can imagine it is frustrating! Thinking of you and wishing you the best as you decide how to move forward. We too use Similac Advance.....
ReplyDeleteI can totally understand that. I had to stop BFing at 3 months too due to mastitis, and it broke my heart. You have done something so great and wonderful. Truly.
ReplyDeleteWell, you know my annoyingly long emotional and physical battle with this issue. I can tell you this now. It has been a month since I've stopped the pumping, and I am much happier now. I have time to love my baby. I have time to give her what she needs emotionally and physically. I had not given her the physical exercises she needed and now she has a flat head to show for it and I believe that she might be doing more right now had I not had her laying down so much while I pumped.
ReplyDeleteThere have been a few times where my heart has hurt a bit when see other moms breastfeeding and pumping for their child. But the hurt doesn't last long. I had told myself if the pumping affected me physically or emotionally I would stop. And once it did that, I had to listen to my heart, even though it was one of the hardest things I've ever done.
One blog that helped the most was Fearless Formula Feeder. The stories on there are incredible, and her own story, which she writes about in the beginning of her blog, really helped my heart.
Stopping was horrible. Physically, it hurt, but emotionally and hormonally was very hard. It was about 3 weeks of hell, and I went back and forth a few times about stopping because it almost felt like it would be easier on me to do it again! But I worked through the physical pain by putting myself on a weaning plan. I worked through the moodiness by just letting myself cry and sleep, and my husband let me be crazy.
I'm on the other side of this, and I know that it was the best decision for me and Baby B.
Please let me know if you need any help!
Oh, one more thing I did was to give B straight formula, and once I saw that she didn't pass out or even seem to notice that it was not breast milk, it made me feel so much better. We use Similac Neosure because she was a preemie, but there are a lot of great formulas out there.
ReplyDeleteI just kept remembering what I had read on that blog, that said that it shouldn't matter how we feed our child. It should matter that we feed our child and that's all.
Just remember that if you stop all at once, it's going to really, really suck for about three days - then, it will leak for a couple weeks. You will become so engorged that your breasts will leak constantly - I used baby diapers (incredibly absorbent and amazingly soft!). Plus, you'll be amazed at how great that extra 20-30 minutes is that you aren't pumping!
ReplyDeleteWe use Enfamil - Lipil for Ethan and Prosobee for Owen. Leave a comment or email me if you need anything!
Given what you've gone through I am surprised you've gone this long! All I can say it good on you and your a great mom. You're doing the best you can. When I breastfed when I asked how long I intended on bf for I said "as long as it worked." Which meant it could've been a month or 2 years or anywhere in between. From having a few clogged ducts, I know the baby sucking and feeding on that breast was the best thing for it. Is there any way Baby E might latch on? I know you can't until these antibioctics clear through your system but maybe he would? I don't remember the back story of his breast feeding/latching. Maybe a nipple shield would do the trick?
ReplyDeleteReading this a bit late so you don't need my assvice, but seriously, you CAN'T continue. You've stuck it out for a long time, but it's not doing you or your son any good if breast feeding is just way too painful and you just become infected, etc. People have seemed to get too brainwashed into thinking they can only breastfeed. Really, formula won't kill your son. But keeping going with the boobs could very well send you too the loony bin. So that's only a good option if your know your local loony bin will let you bring your son. . .and dog. . .and laptop. . .
ReplyDelete