The Reactions

As my family and friends have been there for every step of my IF process, those who know what we have been through also got to know about our news yesterday. Most of me still feels like this is a piece of hope floating in the wind and not very real. However the reactions yesterday were so very lovely that I have to share them with you.

Immediately after my post I sent a mass text to my family and close friends telling them to "Check my blog please." My husband said this was a little cruel as I should have called my parents. However, I thought this was kind of fun so everybody knew at the same time. I then called my mom who was laughing and crying at the same time. The softness in her voice went straight to my heart and made me think that this might be happening. Apparently my sister and her were dancing around the kitchen in California. FairyEggs was crying so much when I called her, she was just gushing with relief and happiness.

Things here at my house are still pretty subdued. We'll see what happens tomorrow.

xoxo

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Direct from FairyEggs:

Woo Hoo!  There are really no words to express how happy, ecstatic and completely over the moon I am!  My mom got a text and said, “Look at your cell phone; I think you got a text from J.”  I immediately ran to my phone and then ran to my computer.  I made my husband stop doing our taxes so I could read the blog and immediately started sobbing.  Completely uncontrolled crying. I didn’t know whether to call or text J when the phone rang.  I was so glad J called me and we chatted about the great news!  It is very hard to be “cautiously optimistic” on a day like today.  I am choosing pure joy!  I will be cautiously optimistic tomorrow…

On a side note, I am so relieved this is over for me.  I have felt so much pressure (from myself ONLY) to help J, that now I can just breath and enjoy.  I have done everything I can for her and hubby and I can sit back and watch J go through all of the joy and nausea it takes to grow a baby.  She has listened to me complain through three pregnancies and listened to me when I had a miscarriage.  She listened to me cry and complain when I had an unexpected pregnancy.  Little did I know that three short years later she would be dreaming for an unexpected pregnancy.  I still have guilt about my feelings about my beautiful daughter that I thought I didn’t want.  She is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.  J has been with me through one of the toughest times of my life and supported my decisions and listened to me for hours.  The bottom line is she deserves pure joy.  It is her turn. 

Love you Jenicini! 

What does this mean?

When I POAS, I often examine the sticks looking for the slightest bit of color in the cross or the line or whatever kind of hoopla they ask us to jump through. So when I use the fancy fool proof test that is suppose to be clear, I have to ask myself "What the heck does this mean," because seriously I've never seen anything like this. Check it out.

Yes, it says I'm pregnant. Really? Little tiny cartwheels going on inside of my heart right now. But at the same time both hubby and I are just cautiously optimistic. Things are on the right track, but I need to see the BETA number on Monday. I know that things can change all too quickly.

So all of you who know me in real life, there are rules: no calling people, no naming babies, no telling! I know this will be torturous for you, but the fact is that this is just the first step and if something happens I don't want to have to explain it to the world. So please ask before you share. However, please feel free to hug each other and send lots of prayers and happy thoughts for good numbers this week. 

Thank you for all of your support! It means so much.

xoxo

8dp5dt...home

Ah, the bliss of being in my own home, with my wiggly butt dog and sarcastic hubby. I would write more tonight, but I am honestly so exhausted. I just wanted to let you know that there will be POASing this weekend! I'm not sure when yet, but I figure I've waited long enough. Hopefully my beta test will be done by my regular doc as I have requested on Monday. So, I'll either be crying or scared crapless the next time we talk. {GRIN}

xoxo

Mania...5dp5dt

You know how during the 2ww you are (im)patiently waiting and passing the time, and then you hear of someone else who POAS and got a positive? Then you look at how far along they are and realize that they are only a day further along than you?

Today it happened! Like a snowball to the face, the POAS mania just hit me! Now I want to run out and buy a test or twelve. I want to go. I want to buy. I want to PEEEEEEE!

But I am telling myself now that I must resist the urge. I must resist going walking. I must resist reaching into the cookie jar. I must resist buying pregnancy tests!

In two seconds I went from calm and relaxed to WANTING! Argh! Now the next few days are going to be torture! lol.

xoxo

BTW, Happy 63rd bday Dad! Love you!