Monday, October 15, 2012

Steeling myself.

Here I am, laying on the couch typing away while wanting desperately to run to the bathroom and rip open one of those pretty pink pregnancy tests. But, I'm not.

I'm really trying to resist. (and my hubby FORBADE me!!! Like that works!)

While I was really optimistic before I flew back to Alaska, since being home the doubts have crept in to my happy space. With one of the embryos hatching upon transfer, it seemed like such a good sign.

But now, I'm not in a bad place, I'm just in a more realistic place. A place where I look at the statistics and realize that like with E, I might fall on the bad side of these. It took us three tries for him, maybe it will take three tries for the next one. Or maybe it won't happen at all.

I remind myself of these things, not to be morose, but to steel myself against the heartbreak that could occur on Thursday.

Still sounds morose when I write it though.

Damn it.

xoxo
Posted by at

13 comments:

  1. LisaOctober 16, 2012 at 2:54 AM

    It's hard not to sound morose during the wait til beta. Feeling doubt is just a normal thing and probably a little healthy, too. I applaud you for not peeing because I know how hard it is, but you're in the home stretch now. I'm wishing you the happiest news on Thursday!

    ReplyDelete
  2. KateOctober 16, 2012 at 5:59 AM

    This wait... what a bitch it is. You're stronger than I - I'd have tested for at least a day or two alreay. Hang on - beta day is almost here. Prayers for you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. FGOctober 16, 2012 at 6:26 AM

    Love the new picture of E!

    I'm almost as much on pins-and-needles as you. Hang in there...each hour is one hour closer to having an answer.

    ReplyDelete
  4. LaurenOctober 16, 2012 at 6:29 AM

    The wait is SO HARD. I have so many bloggy friends in the 2WW right now. It brings me back to all those feelings and I remember just how incredibly CRAPPY it is to constantly be trying to prepare yourself for the worst because you just don't know what's going to happen.

    I hope this one worked for you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. RebeccaOctober 16, 2012 at 7:33 AM

    I wouldn't be able to resist and I would test.

    ReplyDelete
  6. kdactylOctober 16, 2012 at 9:44 AM

    OH....I don't know how you resist. But I totally understand....without taking the HPT, and before Beta....anything is still possible. It is a tricky little spot you are in...and a tough one. So..enjoy your PUPO. Thurs will be here before you know it. But hey...any symptoms? We LOVE to anaylze symptoms out here in the blogosphere!
    kd

    ReplyDelete
  7. weeOctober 16, 2012 at 10:16 AM

    thinking of you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. JBOctober 16, 2012 at 3:19 PM

    How are you not peeing on every type of stick in sight? What kind of model of restraint are you? :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. debOctober 16, 2012 at 7:38 PM

    Yay for a new picture finally and you have been tired!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. JemOctober 17, 2012 at 2:10 AM

    Good for you for NOT peeing on sticks. They won't change the outcome. Just be ok with not knowing for the moment.

    ReplyDelete
  11. AlexOctober 17, 2012 at 9:57 AM

    Thinking of you as you wait for news...

    ReplyDelete
  12. Michelle DOctober 17, 2012 at 11:56 AM

    Wishing you the best :) Hold out and be true to you. Good luck :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. LisaOctober 18, 2012 at 5:35 AM

    Today is the day! Thinking of you and keeping fingers crossed for excellent news!!

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)