I'm in a dark, unhappy place tonight. Doesn't that make you want to read on now? Yeah, I don't blame you. I pretty much wish I could get out of my own head right now too.
Tonight I'm just sad. How could this cycle have not worked? In the back of my mind, I figured that the BFN from FET1 was just a fluke. With our embryos coming from the mecca of infertility clinics that is CCRM and the batch being proven by the birth of some beautiful twins, I just can't fathom how it didn't take.
I feel pushed up to the wall that we are already on our last set of embryos. This set being our last hope for a sibling for E. Sometimes I picture him when we are gone, and I worry that he won't have any family there to continue loving and supporting him. I don't want him to be alone.
I am so infinitely grateful that I have E. The family that we've created is the most precious thing to me. It's so amazing that it makes me want more.
I want more.
xoxo
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I'm so sorry. I hope you are in a better place mentally soon.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. But I don't think you need to worry about people loving E; he seems a wonderful boy - how could people not love him? They would be idiots not to, right? I'm so sorry. For some reason I was certain this cycle would work for you. I know what it's like looking down the barrel of a last transfer; I only have one little embryo left. :-( Is your mood also because it's getting dark earlier - is that making things worse maybe?
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry things suck - I was convinced this cycle would work for you, too.
ReplyDeleteI'm so so sorry. After you get the joy and magic that is your first child, of course you want more. I hope this next round works. Hoping and praying.
ReplyDeleteI worry also about Bella being an only child. There are the fears of her feeling alone when my husband and I are old. Also I worry that she will be socialized properly and what about that sibling connection? For us, another baby isn't an option so she is an only child and that is the reality. We can only love them and try to do our best. I am sorry that you are in a dark place right now. Take some time for yourself. You deserve that.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're in this place:( I totally understand why you are, though. I hope the next cycle is the one.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry it didn't work.
ReplyDeleteI totally know how you are feeling (about wanting another)....I felt exactly the same yet still felt guilty for wanting another. As an older parent of an only child....I worried about my son's life after we were gone...even though he would be an adult. I know others would love him... but familiy is just different...they share your history and that just cannot be substituted. I'm so sorry this time didn't work....but am so glad you still have a set of embryos left. don't give up hope...hugs.
ReplyDeletekd
I'm sorry that things didn't stick. I wish it were different. E will do wonderfully either way I'm sure and you guys will be around for quite some time to be sure. Best wishes and thoughts with you all.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for what you are going through! I am in a very similar space right now and can totally relate! I hope that this next cycle will bring you a sibling for E!! Best wishes!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, hon. Sending hugs and hoping things get better.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Maddy