I'm in a dark, unhappy place tonight. Doesn't that make you want to read on now? Yeah, I don't blame you. I pretty much wish I could get out of my own head right now too.
Tonight I'm just sad. How could this cycle have not worked? In the back of my mind, I figured that the BFN from FET1 was just a fluke. With our embryos coming from the mecca of infertility clinics that is CCRM and the batch being proven by the birth of some beautiful twins, I just can't fathom how it didn't take.
I feel pushed up to the wall that we are already on our last set of embryos. This set being our last hope for a sibling for E. Sometimes I picture him when we are gone, and I worry that he won't have any family there to continue loving and supporting him. I don't want him to be alone.
I am so infinitely grateful that I have E. The family that we've created is the most precious thing to me. It's so amazing that it makes me want more.
I want more.