FAV

When I turned sixteen, this was something like our family car. . .

So cool.

I didn't really drive much until I bought a car like this from my parents at 21:

Yep, a '94 Nissan Altima. This car met an early demise when it got clobbered at an intersection the day after I put $1,000 worth of work into it! It took me quite a few weeks of test driving to figure out what I wanted. When I sat in this vehicle though, my heart sang.

And for the first time in my life, I loved driving.

There's something about feeling the wind whip your hair as you cruise down the freeway with the sunshine in your face. Of course, that means tangled hair and unexpected sunburns, but it's worth all of it. Besides, I looked damn good in that car. :D

Then the roof started breaking on a regular basis and driving me crazy so we traded it in for this blue monster which I love (and still have).

However, after wrestling the car seat through the half door into the backseat, I caved to my husband. We bought a FAV.

FAV = Family Assault Vehicle. <3 my military man.

Did you notice that I 'caved' to my husband? He soooooo wanted a FAV instead of the Explorer that I was eyeing. He was enchanted with the huge cargo space and comfy seating. Me? Not so much.

Okay, so I have to admit that it is darn comfy. And easy to get E in and out of with his car-seat. And it even has a built in car shade for my precious babe. And a navigation system. And self-adjusting cruise control. And two sunroofs. And a push button start. And lots of other nifty gadgets which appeal to my dork side. And I am NOT admitting that I like it because it is still a van. So there.

He's worth it though.

xoxo

HappyBabyBonanzaShoppingSpree!

It's 12:43 am, and I just finished my bonanza shopping spree at Amazon on HappyBaby products. I make most all of baby E's food, but snacks like these and cereals -- not so much! Sprout & HappyBaby are my <3 brands <3 when I do buy. So tonight....

Total = $213.45

Organic Puffs Green - 6 pack - $13.88

Organic Puffs Apple - 6 pack - $13.88

Organic Puffs Sweet Potato - 6 pack - $15.47

Organic Puffs Strawberry - 6 pack - $15.47

Organic Puffs Banana - 6 pack - $14.31

Organic Yogurt Melts Strawberry - 8 pack - $21.11

Organic Yogurt Melts Mixed Berry - 8 pack - $19.74

Organic Yogurt Melts Banana Mango - 8 pack - $19.74

Organic Super Cereal Brown Rice - 6 pack - $17.65

Organic Super Cereal Oatmeal - 6 pack - $16.61

Organic Super Cereal Multigrain - 6 pack - $16.87

Baked Organic Cheddar & Carrot Snack - 6 pack - $15.26

Baked Organic Broccoli, Kale, & Cheddar Snack - 6 pack - $13.46

I think my son is set on his treats for awhile!

Yes, I'm a complete dork and celebrate my good deals!

xoxo

 

Why I feel like crying.

Lately I've been really emotional. Most of this I have kept to myself which is pretty rare. But quite frankly, there's some part of me that's just had trouble processing it. And I'm busy, so most of it I've just shoved down into the new found well that I've never had in my entire life. I'm a get it off my chest type of girl.

This morning though, I caught a glimpse of jennepper's story over @Maybe if you just relax on my facebook account. I went back on her blog and caught up with what had happened to her twin pregnancy since I last read like six months ago. Heartbreaker.

Later when I ran to the store, Taylor Swift's song "innocent" came on while I was driving home. I started crying because I finally got a grip on why I've been feeling liking crying so much lately.

I'm scared.
I'm so scared I might not even try.
I always try. Always.

I'm not so much scared of trying for a second child and failing in the DE-IVF process. I am dreading possibly putting Fairyeggs through the process again. I am dreading laying out that much money on something with the equivalent odds of playing red or black on a roulette table. What I'm terrified of is getting pregnant and losing the baby.

By the time I finally got over my infertile fears of losing the pregnancy during the first trimester, I was on my way to Alaska.

I felt a few stretches of happiness during my second trimester but really spent most of my time somewhere in between happy and scared.

Then I went to California and finally celebrated with my baby shower. For about two weeks I felt joyous and excited. I find that ironic because during that time I was losing my mucus plug and had no idea that the signs were there that something wasn't going right.

Back in Alaska, we closed on our house and then that night I was admitted to the hospital. I laid immobile for two weeks. Then infrequent trips to the restroom and shower. You know the rest--everything turned out fine.

I know that there are many babies who are born early and do just perfectly fine. But let me tell you that for me, when I hear there is an 85% chance of my child living. I hear that there is a 15% chance of him not. In all of this, I have learned that I rarely come out on the good side of the statistics.

Part of me rages at the stupidity of going forward with a second try. What the hell am I thinking in trying to do this again? Why would I put my family through this again?

So here I sit crying.

I know I need to go into the OB and discuss this but that's all rational and shit.

xoxo

Numero Dos

I've been contemplating writing this post because there are a lot of people who read this who know my family IRL. To be quite frank, I am not sure I am ready to discuss this subject beyond this post and with my immediate family. So beyond cyberworld, shhh.

We are considering having a second child.

More than anything the reason I have started contemplating this is because I was planning a vacation to Hawaii. As you can imagine, people in Alaska often vacation to Hawaii as it's close, warm, and beautiful. So here I am contemplating dropping a wad of money on a vacation when I really would rather put that money towards having another child.

So the discussion began.

With my hubby.

With Fairyeggs.

Between Fairyeggs and her hubby.

Then I shoot off an email to Dr. Leprechaun.

Then I start trolling donor agencies for options.

And suffice it to say, after all of the discussion and email. None of us know what we want to do.

Stay tuned.

xoxo

Eight Eventful Months

How is it possible that I have an eight month old? Here is the rundown for this month. Of course, I have to start with a picture that captured his eye-twinkle.

Sleep? through the night except when teething...thank you thank you son.

New Foods? puffs, raspberries, yams, barley, carrots, a few pieces of strawberry and pineapple added to all the other fun things we already eat. Yes, I know that strawberries are controversial for allergy reasons before twelve months, but I felt comfortable with it after reading a study that indicates delaying introduction of foods doesn't change allergies. Of course, I'm still adhering to the major forbidden lists like milk, honey, etc. It also helps that Fairyegg's family history shows no food allergies.

Adventures? Army crawling! Playing in the dog's water bowl! Finger foods! Wheeeeee!

Can't catch me!

Physical Developments? Sitting up for extended periods of time, army crawling, and getting first tooth!

Sounds? Right before mother's day, the constant mamamamamamamamaaaaa sounds were replaced with da da and ba ba babbles. He <3s making raspberries.

Diaper size? Rocking the threes

Clothing? Still in six month range

Height? @28 in (@ because this is the at home measurements!)
Weight? @19 lb
Head? @17 in

Loves. xoxo

Chasing Tail

My son chases tail. 

heehee. Yes, I said it!

xoxo