While we haven't wrapped up the contracts yet, we are going ahead with the the planning for il bel bambino (aka baby #2). With a few short emails written from my phone over the past week, I got my very own prescription for birth control pills to start today. I admit that this got me pretty excited because 1) I don't have to bleed for a billion days. Yay for me! 2) I get to start on another amazing journey.
I've got a lot of emotions swirling around me regarding this cycle. I'll try to sum them up.
I'm grateful. I'm grateful to just to have the chance to add a child to our family while also gaining an amazing connection with another family. I'm grateful that E will have a sibling and more 'cousins' to add to the list of people who love him.
I'm terrified. I often think of disrupted adoptions. Someone chooses a couple and then changes their mind. A very tiny illogical part of me is afraid that the couple will change their mind to share their embryos with us.
I'm joyful. Having E in my life fills me with joy at the most unexpected times...hearing his belly laugh, feeling the warmth of him while he curls up next to me, dancing to the Wiggles... I can't wait to have this joy x 2. Is it even possible to be that happy?
I'm scared. I'm scared that my cervix will fail me (better tie that sucker tight doc!)
I'm hopeful. I see pictures of the children from the family who chose us, and I just feel full of hope. What's he going to look like? Will he have that fantastic grin? Will she have that soft pink glow?
All I know now is that with this little birth control pill, it has started. Whootwhoo!