After my fantastic beta of zero, I congratulated myself over how well I was handling the failure. Since I was throwing a baby shower for one of my great Alaskan friends, I immediately threw my energies into cleaning the house, sewing, crafting (oh the horrors!...but so worth it), and cooking. Having my mother around to help and generally tool around with during the week made everything go by so quickly. The shower was a smashing success with happy guests and a delighted mama-to-be.
Fast forward to today....I'm just a flat-out wreck with my hormones raging from my flipping period. What set it off was the email from my doctor telling me we needed to wait a month since I started on Saturday and would have needed to start my injections on Sunday.
I lost it at lunch getting mad at my hubby when giving directions to a new eatery.
Then I couldn't stop crying after getting upset.
Being touched in sympathy and comfort made me even more upset.
It wasn't pretty.
I'm just raging.
It took all I had to close down and pull it together for lunch.
Guess I need to put my infertility game face on.
xoxo
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You are entitled to be angry and upset. You have been through so much to bring your new child into the world and there is nothing worse than having your dreams crushed, Hope today is a better day.
ReplyDeleteI don't blame you for the raging. One day makes all the difference? Ugh, you've got to be kidding! Don't they know how much this stuff means to us? I say enjoy some wine in the meantime. And chocolate.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for the birthday wishes!
Oh my word.....a month is an eternity for those of us who suffer from infertility!!!!! I'm so sorry...but the rage and emotion is totally normal and to be expected. You were totally pumped up with hormones and had a huge beautiful lining all ready for a visitor and then BAM....all the hormones were taken away just like that. There is no gradual change like a natural cycle...it sets you up to be kind of crazy...so just ride it out...and I agree with Lisa...add some wine and chocolate to the mix....yum. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteKd
Of course you're raging! I was hoping that the FET would go perfect for you, and you wouldn't be thrown back into this infertility hell. I wish you wouldn't have to go throw this. But put warning signs up, put your game face on, and recognize that raging is just part of the process... Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteOne day? Seriously? I would have been pissed at just that - then add the FET that started out so well; I don't blame you one bit.
ReplyDeleteDid you use the "eff" word with the doctor? If not, I'd say you're doing fine, Dear. . .
ReplyDeletePoo. I'm so sorry. It's still not easy the next time round, is it??
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