Things to make me happy

Today I went on a trip to Wally World to purchase some things to make me  my stomach happy. Here is what I came up with:

• ginger ale -- Canada Dry! 
• tapioca pudding
• frozen bean, rice, and cheese burrito
• bagels
• cream cheese
• strawberry ice cream - the tiny one serving Hagan Daz version. 

The ginger ale and bagel with cream cheese was heaven! Afterwards, I sat here marveling that my stomach did not hurt nor did I feel nauseous! Then I decided to try a tapioca a little while later which apparently wasn't such a good choice. Ah, you can't win them all.

Happy St Paddy's Day! Happy birthday to my mom!

xoxo

Love Hate Relationship

I never thought I would say this, but I now have a love hate relationship with food.

If I don't eat, I feel nauseous.
If I eat too much, I feel nauseous.
If I eat the wrong thing, I feel nauseous.
If I cook meat, I feel really nauseous.

I promised myself before I got pregnant, that if I ever did, I would not complain. After all, this is what I've spent thousands of dollars, a plethora of tears, and a couple of years of my life wanting! So, suck it up buttercup! There are plenty of women out there who would trade places with me in a second! Complaining is just rude, right? Well, that has all dissolved into the puddle of my nauseousness that has overtaken my life. So let me just apologize now.

I haven't posted much in the last week because really, it just seems to rule my life and I was trying not to whine. Most days instead of doing anything productive, I lay on the couch desperately hoping it will go away. Thankfully the B6 three times a day has helped, but it still comes and goes. On Saturday, my husband and I actually scheduled time to spend together by driving an hour to the nearest city that is bigger than podunk. Of course, not eating on time combined with the stop and start of driving through traffic, made me abandon my let's go eat a great restaurant attitude and head for the nearest place that would give me food. I still enjoyed my time with him though. :)

So that's about it folks! Nausea. That's what's going on.

xoxo

Registration Done!

This morning I went to my registration appointment with about eight other ladies. Surprisingly I didn't feel out of place with the other pregnant women, but I did feel old at the ripe old age of 33. The nurse gave us a brief run down on what we can expect and then inundated us with books/planners/magazines (see below).

We then were able to schedule the typical eight week appointment where a head to toe physical is done, and we are poked and prodded just a little bit more. The nurse was super sweet and agreed to take care of my extra ultrasounds in the clinic on their little machine. I'm not sure what little entails, but I just want to see a heartbeat and make sure there is only one bun in the oven. We're going on Thursday, and what's even better is that hubby does get to come! Whoot!

The horrible part of this morning was that after I scheduled my appointment, I had to go downstairs for my urine sample and blood work. Of course, I was feeling a bit nauseous by this time and then had to go have the vampires suck my blood. I must have turned green as the lab girl asked me if I was okay at least four times. Before I could actually drive, I had to sit in my car, drink some water and let the cold sweat die down. Happily hubby surprised me by showing up at the shop I had to stop at to pick him up some uniform junk so we could have lunch together. A sprite and two chicken tacos later, I was feeling more like a normal person.

Now, only two more days to wait. Yay!

xoxo

Monday Monday (6w2d)

Another Monday morning and time is not passing quick enough for me since I'm dying dying dying to get into register with the OB clinic tomorrow and get a dang appointment for an ultrasound! I want to see a heartbeat!

I was delighted this morning that my husband asked me when my appointment was tomorrow. He wanted to know as soon as possible when the ultrasound would be scheduled so that he could possibly come with me. I know for most people, this isn't something out of the norm. However, with my hubby ensconced in a military training, missing any portion of the class is really not an option. It made me smile that he was looking forward to it.

The spotting has been occurring off and on since my last post, however it has been really light. I continue to feel nauseous at all hours of the day but have not thrown up at all. So, I spend most of my day drinking water and sipping Sprite while laying on my couch attempting to work.  I feel like a big (happy) lump.

xoxo

More spotting

After my trip to the grocery store this morning--ooh, big outing--I fell back in bed and slept until my husband got home at three. That's when i saw more spotting. Heavier then before and two separate colors, red and brown. I know this is normal but I would really prefer this NOT to happen! I'm not freaking out though, I'm just resting away.

xoxo

Aversions to Work

I have seriously turned into a sleeping and relaxing machine! The fact that I have 15 more final projects and 30 technology papers to grade, a syllabus to adjust for my new class, and posts to write for our discussions simply fall to the bottom of my to do list as there are blogs to read, symptoms to google, books to read, a dog to play with... Yes, I am having serious aversions to actually completing my work. Can I blame this on being preoccupied with being pregnant and waiting anxiously for my appointment next week?

xoxo

My dad

My dad is going to make the best grandpa ever. When I was growing up, he was incredibly strict in terms of boys, schools, religion, and clothing. My boyfriends, of whom I was NOT suppose to have, walked in fear of him which is probably an excellent thing looking back. As time has passed, we have developed a wonderful adult relationship in which I appreciate all of what he has done for me and he respects that I'm an adult. We actually like spending time together at the holidays and plan family vacations with adjoining balcony staterooms. More and more as he gets older, he has turned into a big soft mush, the kind that loves you to death and would do anything for you no matter how inconvenient. He reminds me so much of my grandpa, his dad, who was always just fun.

So imagine his glee at hearing that he is going to be a grandpa. Yep, glee people.

This morning he called to check on me to see how I was feeling. He's been looking up information on pregnancy and finding out what's going on week by week. Hearing the smile on his face when he talked about it definitely hit the cute button. He says that every dinner conversation always has some element where child birth is mentioned which is a big no-no in his book.  I was cracking up today imagining him doing this now. It's so much more interesting now that it's happening to his grandbaby! :)

Day: 5 weeks 3 days
Current weight: -2
Current cravings: cottage cheese with peaches, sprite, cookies
Current aversions: chicken broth, chicken, squash
Happenings: Spotting stopped.
Next appointment: March 9 - Intake only

xoxo

Nothing New - More spotting

Nothing new today lovelies. Felt great all day despite light, brown spotting. Then I made dinner and the chicken broth has made me want to hurl...which is good. However, I'm trying to lay very very still right now.  I spotted pink this evening. No yay for that. No email back from the RE's office either. Ugh.

Spotting

After a few hours this morning, I saw the dreaded spot on the TP. The first one was light pink. The following ones all brownish red. I know spotting is normal, but it's much hard not to freak out about it. All activities today for me were cancelled as in no cleaning or walking the dog. Instead I spent the day in bed with my legs up and watching season two of Eureka. Yep, I'm a scifi nerd. Now I'm going right back to laying down too.

xoxo

It's lovely

I must say that I never thought I would be climbing off the IF roller coaster. It's kind of like jumping into Willy Wonka's boat and going through the tunnel of freaky flashing colors. Where we go no body knows! But now, that I'm off, I'm getting my balance back and trying to just enjoy the moments of happiness.

I'm delighted to say that I have been feel pukey and exhausted at every turn. There has been no hurling however, you're not even suppose to get morning sickness until the sixth week. I kind of like it though because it reminds me that I have massive amounts of hormones floating through my body! With a little Sprite in my system, the bubbly goodness does the trick for me at this point. I'm not in love with drinking soda, but it's the only thing that sounds good. The exhaustion on the other hand is constant! I must say I have never been more grateful for the lack of a full time job than I am now! I've been sleeping in extensively and really struggling not to give in to a nap about six. This is where teaching my online classes is fabulous since I can do it anytime of day.

With our insurance through the military, I have a primary care doctor (PCM) whom I have to have a referral from to see any other doctor. Usually my PCM is on the military post, but since this post has so many soldiers, all family members are shipped off post into the local community. Now apparently, I get to go back to their OB clinic where I have to follow their regulations. Regulations such as, I can't get an ultrasound appointment until I attend a group registration meeting for all newly pregnant women. They go over the basic things with everyone at the same time. Of course the next registration appointment is the day after my RE wants me to have my six weeker. I asked the woman who called how long it would take to get my first u/s. She said one or two weeks! Um, no that's not going to work for me people! I am an obsessive  post-IVF girl! Don't get between me and my first u/s! So I explained my circumstances, and she said I would be one of the first people to get an appointment. However, on Monday, I'm going to call and try to see if I can whittle my way in. :)

In other fun news, a cousin did write on FACEBOOK a big congratulations to me. Ummm. Don't you think if I wanted to talk about it there, I would have an announcement? I realize that my pregnancy is not much of a secret as I allow my friends and select family members to read my blog. I also told my grandmother because she needed some good news. However, I would prefer for the ancillary members who I do not share this blog with not to know until I am further along. Too late! I wrote her a nice message and deleted her post and she apologized. I know she meant well, but I would prefer for FB to be the last frontier of announcements!

That's all for now! Thanks for all of your positive comments! I am trying to take it one day at a time and to enjoy this lovely happiness.

xoxo

What's Next?

I must say that I have been literally showered with congratulations over the past few days from my lovely friends who read here. Each comment just brings this warmth to me that makes me smile every single time. I have heard the most delightful tears of joy over the phone from both coasts and places dotted in between. Meanwhile, I'm delighting in these moments even when I feel a little nauseous or sleepy because it makes it ever so slightly possible for me that this is indeed real.

I am pregnant.

If I write it enough times, it might actually be true.

Now for me the question is what comes next? My nurse in California finally called to give me the positive pregnancy steps to follow including slight changes to my medication. These things I know how to handle. Inject this, swallow this, carefully place that! However, she also followed this up with you need a six week ultrasound on 3/8, an eight week ultrasound on 3/22 and a ten weeker on 4/5. Of course they are in California and I am here in Missouri so I have to figure out if I can convince my new OB to give them to me and write some medical reason so that I do not have to pay for them. I have great insurance, so I figure now it's time for it to kick in. Even these things are pretty simple to deal with though.

What I really wonder though is, what's next? What's the next thing I need to prepare to guard my heart against so I don't fall apart when it happens? I know the first hurdle is the heartbeat, so this is the step I'm focusing on and I'll figure the rest out later. However, I feel almost bad for being worried. It's like I've made it to the Olympics which is a huge step in and by itself. But, now I have to figure out how to get through my short and long programs. You can't worry that you're at the Olympics right?

I don't mean to whine or complain, but I'm just flat out scared and elated all at the same time. It's like the time Sweetpea ran off in the woods when she was little. I ran miles on the trails trying to find her, only to return to my house to find her at the top of the stairs, panting, and waiting to be let in. I wanted to strangle her and hug her at the same time. This feels very much the same.

Thank you for hanging in here with me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

BTW the due date is estimated for 11/1 by the doc and 10/30 by my IVF calculator!

The (sad) irony

To add to my week of being shocked, this morning I woke up to a text from a teacher I worked with last year. One of my students is pregnant. As common as this would if I taught high school, the thing is that I teach on the elementary side.  So that makes the girl desperately young and unprepared for the reality of what just happened.

How ironic is it that a twelve year old girl will get pregnant when it's definitely not the right time, and a thirty-three year old can not get knocked up for the life of her?

What makes me even more sad about the situation is that she has no guidance whatsoever. She often sends me messages asking basic life advice. It kills me. I spent all of last year convincing her that dropping out of school at sixteen was not a plan that would work well for her.

It's just sad.

As for me, my bed rest is almost up. We are actually leaving Louisiana tomorrow morning and driving up to our new place in Missouri.

I remember when I first came here, I was not a huge fan of Louisiana living although I just figured it was a new experience for us. But over the last couple of years, I have come to really appreciate  the culture, the laid back lifestyle, and people who are friendly for no reason! Even more, I will miss our first house that my husband and I shared for the first few years of our marriage.

On to the next adventure.....

xoxo

Why am I not crazy?

Because I took awhile to find my hubby, it seems like I have watched all of my friends get pregnant and have their three kids. Although it might have taken them a few months, inevitably, none of them had a trouble getting knocked up by their adorable husbands. :) I watched them go through the stages of being upset, happy, devastated, hopeful, exhausted, grumpy, hungry, really really hungry, in pain....the list goes on! 

I figured when I started trying I would be a little crazy. But I am not. I can't figure it out because I typically obsess about most things. When I saw that "irrationality" was a listed side effect of one of the drugs I was taking to get pregnant, I figured that I would go a little mental. Of course I have my typical fun moods, but I don't have the kind of craziness I hear about on other people's blogs. Why am I not crazy about something that is so important?

I guess that it just comes down to the fact that I have accepted that I will either get pregnant or not. I don't feel jealous of pregnant women (although it makes me sick whenever I hear of someone not taking care of their child). But for the most part, I'm okay. Isn't that a little strange?