After a few hours this morning, I saw the dreaded spot on the TP. The first one was light pink. The following ones all brownish red. I know spotting is normal, but it's much hard not to freak out about it. All activities today for me were cancelled as in no cleaning or walking the dog. Instead I spent the day in bed with my legs up and watching season two of Eureka. Yep, I'm a scifi nerd. Now I'm going right back to laying down too.
xoxo
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
It's lovely
I must say that I never thought I would be climbing off the IF roller coaster. It's kind of like jumping into Willy Wonka's boat and going through the tunnel of freaky flashing colors. Where we go no body knows! But now, that I'm off, I'm getting my balance back and trying to just enjoy the moments of happiness.
I'm delighted to say that I have been feel pukey and exhausted at every turn. There has been no hurling however, you're not even suppose to get morning sickness until the sixth week. I kind of like it though because it reminds me that I have massive amounts of hormones floating through my body! With a little Sprite in my system, the bubbly goodness does the trick for me at this point. I'm not in love with drinking soda, but it's the only thing that sounds good. The exhaustion on the other hand is constant! I must say I have never been more grateful for the lack of a full time job than I am now! I've been sleeping in extensively and really struggling not to give in to a nap about six. This is where teaching my online classes is fabulous since I can do it anytime of day.
With our insurance through the military, I have a primary care doctor (PCM) whom I have to have a referral from to see any other doctor. Usually my PCM is on the military post, but since this post has so many soldiers, all family members are shipped off post into the local community. Now apparently, I get to go back to their OB clinic where I have to follow their regulations. Regulations such as, I can't get an ultrasound appointment until I attend a group registration meeting for all newly pregnant women. They go over the basic things with everyone at the same time. Of course the next registration appointment is the day after my RE wants me to have my six weeker. I asked the woman who called how long it would take to get my first u/s. She said one or two weeks! Um, no that's not going to work for me people! I am an obsessive post-IVF girl! Don't get between me and my first u/s! So I explained my circumstances, and she said I would be one of the first people to get an appointment. However, on Monday, I'm going to call and try to see if I can whittle my way in. :)
In other fun news, a cousin did write on FACEBOOK a big congratulations to me. Ummm. Don't you think if I wanted to talk about it there, I would have an announcement? I realize that my pregnancy is not much of a secret as I allow my friends and select family members to read my blog. I also told my grandmother because she needed some good news. However, I would prefer for the ancillary members who I do not share this blog with not to know until I am further along. Too late! I wrote her a nice message and deleted her post and she apologized. I know she meant well, but I would prefer for FB to be the last frontier of announcements!
That's all for now! Thanks for all of your positive comments! I am trying to take it one day at a time and to enjoy this lovely happiness.
xoxo
I'm delighted to say that I have been feel pukey and exhausted at every turn. There has been no hurling however, you're not even suppose to get morning sickness until the sixth week. I kind of like it though because it reminds me that I have massive amounts of hormones floating through my body! With a little Sprite in my system, the bubbly goodness does the trick for me at this point. I'm not in love with drinking soda, but it's the only thing that sounds good. The exhaustion on the other hand is constant! I must say I have never been more grateful for the lack of a full time job than I am now! I've been sleeping in extensively and really struggling not to give in to a nap about six. This is where teaching my online classes is fabulous since I can do it anytime of day.
With our insurance through the military, I have a primary care doctor (PCM) whom I have to have a referral from to see any other doctor. Usually my PCM is on the military post, but since this post has so many soldiers, all family members are shipped off post into the local community. Now apparently, I get to go back to their OB clinic where I have to follow their regulations. Regulations such as, I can't get an ultrasound appointment until I attend a group registration meeting for all newly pregnant women. They go over the basic things with everyone at the same time. Of course the next registration appointment is the day after my RE wants me to have my six weeker. I asked the woman who called how long it would take to get my first u/s. She said one or two weeks! Um, no that's not going to work for me people! I am an obsessive post-IVF girl! Don't get between me and my first u/s! So I explained my circumstances, and she said I would be one of the first people to get an appointment. However, on Monday, I'm going to call and try to see if I can whittle my way in. :)
In other fun news, a cousin did write on FACEBOOK a big congratulations to me. Ummm. Don't you think if I wanted to talk about it there, I would have an announcement? I realize that my pregnancy is not much of a secret as I allow my friends and select family members to read my blog. I also told my grandmother because she needed some good news. However, I would prefer for the ancillary members who I do not share this blog with not to know until I am further along. Too late! I wrote her a nice message and deleted her post and she apologized. I know she meant well, but I would prefer for FB to be the last frontier of announcements!
That's all for now! Thanks for all of your positive comments! I am trying to take it one day at a time and to enjoy this lovely happiness.
xoxo
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
What's Next?
I must say that I have been literally showered with congratulations over the past few days from my lovely friends who read here. Each comment just brings this warmth to me that makes me smile every single time. I have heard the most delightful tears of joy over the phone from both coasts and places dotted in between. Meanwhile, I'm delighting in these moments even when I feel a little nauseous or sleepy because it makes it ever so slightly possible for me that this is indeed real.
I am pregnant.
If I write it enough times, it might actually be true.
Now for me the question is what comes next? My nurse in California finally called to give me the positive pregnancy steps to follow including slight changes to my medication. These things I know how to handle. Inject this, swallow this, carefully place that! However, she also followed this up with you need a six week ultrasound on 3/8, an eight week ultrasound on 3/22 and a ten weeker on 4/5. Of course they are in California and I am here in Missouri so I have to figure out if I can convince my new OB to give them to me and write some medical reason so that I do not have to pay for them. I have great insurance, so I figure now it's time for it to kick in. Even these things are pretty simple to deal with though.
What I really wonder though is, what's next? What's the next thing I need to prepare to guard my heart against so I don't fall apart when it happens? I know the first hurdle is the heartbeat, so this is the step I'm focusing on and I'll figure the rest out later. However, I feel almost bad for being worried. It's like I've made it to the Olympics which is a huge step in and by itself. But, now I have to figure out how to get through my short and long programs. You can't worry that you're at the Olympics right?
I don't mean to whine or complain, but I'm just flat out scared and elated all at the same time. It's like the time Sweetpea ran off in the woods when she was little. I ran miles on the trails trying to find her, only to return to my house to find her at the top of the stairs, panting, and waiting to be let in. I wanted to strangle her and hug her at the same time. This feels very much the same.
Thank you for hanging in here with me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
BTW the due date is estimated for 11/1 by the doc and 10/30 by my IVF calculator!
I am pregnant.
If I write it enough times, it might actually be true.
Now for me the question is what comes next? My nurse in California finally called to give me the positive pregnancy steps to follow including slight changes to my medication. These things I know how to handle. Inject this, swallow this, carefully place that! However, she also followed this up with you need a six week ultrasound on 3/8, an eight week ultrasound on 3/22 and a ten weeker on 4/5. Of course they are in California and I am here in Missouri so I have to figure out if I can convince my new OB to give them to me and write some medical reason so that I do not have to pay for them. I have great insurance, so I figure now it's time for it to kick in. Even these things are pretty simple to deal with though.
What I really wonder though is, what's next? What's the next thing I need to prepare to guard my heart against so I don't fall apart when it happens? I know the first hurdle is the heartbeat, so this is the step I'm focusing on and I'll figure the rest out later. However, I feel almost bad for being worried. It's like I've made it to the Olympics which is a huge step in and by itself. But, now I have to figure out how to get through my short and long programs. You can't worry that you're at the Olympics right?
I don't mean to whine or complain, but I'm just flat out scared and elated all at the same time. It's like the time Sweetpea ran off in the woods when she was little. I ran miles on the trails trying to find her, only to return to my house to find her at the top of the stairs, panting, and waiting to be let in. I wanted to strangle her and hug her at the same time. This feels very much the same.
Thank you for hanging in here with me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
BTW the due date is estimated for 11/1 by the doc and 10/30 by my IVF calculator!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Another Day of Torture
Because I live in PODUNK, I don't get the results of my beta until tomorrow.
T O R T U R E !
xoxo
T O R T U R E !
xoxo
Sunday, February 21, 2010
The Reactions
As my family and friends have been there for every step of my IF process, those who know what we have been through also got to know about our news yesterday. Most of me still feels like this is a piece of hope floating in the wind and not very real. However the reactions yesterday were so very lovely that I have to share them with you.
Immediately after my post I sent a mass text to my family and close friends telling them to "Check my blog please." My husband said this was a little cruel as I should have called my parents. However, I thought this was kind of fun so everybody knew at the same time. I then called my mom who was laughing and crying at the same time. The softness in her voice went straight to my heart and made me think that this might be happening. Apparently my sister and her were dancing around the kitchen in California. FairyEggs was crying so much when I called her, she was just gushing with relief and happiness.
Things here at my house are still pretty subdued. We'll see what happens tomorrow.
xoxo
********
Direct from FairyEggs:
Immediately after my post I sent a mass text to my family and close friends telling them to "Check my blog please." My husband said this was a little cruel as I should have called my parents. However, I thought this was kind of fun so everybody knew at the same time. I then called my mom who was laughing and crying at the same time. The softness in her voice went straight to my heart and made me think that this might be happening. Apparently my sister and her were dancing around the kitchen in California. FairyEggs was crying so much when I called her, she was just gushing with relief and happiness.
Things here at my house are still pretty subdued. We'll see what happens tomorrow.
xoxo
********
Direct from FairyEggs:
Woo Hoo! There are really no words to express how happy, ecstatic and completely over the moon I am! My mom got a text and said, “Look at your cell phone; I think you got a text from J.” I immediately ran to my phone and then ran to my computer. I made my husband stop doing our taxes so I could read the blog and immediately started sobbing. Completely uncontrolled crying. I didn’t know whether to call or text J when the phone rang. I was so glad J called me and we chatted about the great news! It is very hard to be “cautiously optimistic” on a day like today. I am choosing pure joy! I will be cautiously optimistic tomorrow…
On a side note, I am so relieved this is over for me. I have felt so much pressure (from myself ONLY) to help J, that now I can just breath and enjoy. I have done everything I can for her and hubby and I can sit back and watch J go through all of the joy and nausea it takes to grow a baby. She has listened to me complain through three pregnancies and listened to me when I had a miscarriage. She listened to me cry and complain when I had an unexpected pregnancy. Little did I know that three short years later she would be dreaming for an unexpected pregnancy. I still have guilt about my feelings about my beautiful daughter that I thought I didn’t want. She is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. J has been with me through one of the toughest times of my life and supported my decisions and listened to me for hours. The bottom line is she deserves pure joy. It is her turn.
Love you Jenicini!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
What does this mean?
When I POAS, I often examine the sticks looking for the slightest bit of color in the cross or the line or whatever kind of hoopla they ask us to jump through. So when I use the fancy fool proof test that is suppose to be clear, I have to ask myself "What the heck does this mean," because seriously I've never seen anything like this. Check it out.
Yes, it says I'm pregnant. Really? Little tiny cartwheels going on inside of my heart right now. But at the same time both hubby and I are just cautiously optimistic. Things are on the right track, but I need to see the BETA number on Monday. I know that things can change all too quickly.
So all of you who know me in real life, there are rules: no calling people, no naming babies, no telling! I know this will be torturous for you, but the fact is that this is just the first step and if something happens I don't want to have to explain it to the world. So please ask before you share. However, please feel free to hug each other and send lots of prayers and happy thoughts for good numbers this week.
Thank you for all of your support! It means so much.
xoxo
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