Small things

There are some days where I still can not believe that I am so lucky that our third time was a charm (along with some kicking Fairyeggs of course). This blog has helped me in so many ways in simply getting through the days that led up to this. I have really appreciated everyone known and unknown who comments and supports me. Without this, I really don't know if I would have every made the choices that led me up to where we are now. 

That being said, I get that it is incredibly painful for some of my fellow infertiles to continue to read about my happiness. If you must go, I understand. I hope that the future brings you peace and success in building your families. But, I really hope that you'll stay.

~~~~~~~

My hubby and I were able to escape to a city about an hour south of us and hit up a few stores. We are trying to put together a survival pack in case anything happens on our big adventure north. Those purchases didn't go so well, but I was able to hit up the shops for some maternity jeans, soft shorts, and a very cute dress. The dress was great because it actually covered up the girls completely which can be hard sometimes for me! I also scored a pair of Merrell winter boots for 1/2 price which will be helpful when we move to the land of snow! Finally, we hit up Old Navy for my hubby's favorite flag shirt which he buys every year. We also bought our first baby item in the picture at the bottom. :)

Seeing how incredibly tiny the little onesie is brought it home for me that this is happening. That this really could happen. In mere months there could be a little squirmy baby inside. I think my heart melted.

xoxo

Mother's Day Present

My sister actually has to have her own budget for baby things because she is just so darn excited! She's incredibly generous and giving and always sends or brings me things like a new makeup products or lotions, etc. Last month she sent me two sets of pregnancy wear from Old Navy so I could be comfy around the house. It is gigantic on me right now but eventually it will fit, I'm sure! Today came her second present and probably the only thing I knew I wanted in regards to baby gear. She says technically this is not a present for the baby but rather for me and also my hubby.

So without further ado, here is my awesome Harvey's Seatbelt Baby Bag in Earthcycle:

I am a big big fan of Harvey's Seatbelt Bags because they are virtually indestructible which is great since I tend to toss my bags around. You can't tell from my lovely photography skills, but it's a nice blend of blues and grays which is not too feminine. Unlike the reusable bridesmaid dress that you can shorten, it will be great after the baby too. 

xoxo

Ache of the Head (Are those voices too?)

Okay peeps, I need suggestions as I feel like I am about to go crazy with my head pounding, aching, and pain induced nausea. My doc gave me Fioricet but it didn't even touch my headache today. Nothing helps much as I've tried Tylenol, massages, hot showers, cold packs, and sleep. Suggestions on alternatives? Help.

xoxo

Wordless Wednesday

11 Weeks

13 Weeks

I bit the bullet...

This morning I went to my 13 week appointment and got to peek at little Caligula's backside. My little wiggle worm didn't want to flip over for us, but it was great to see the head, neck, body and umbilical cord jiving around. Joy of joys, my doc wants me to do the 24-hour urine test to establish a baseline since I have high blood pressure. Peeing in a jug...sweet.


Before I went to my appointment, I got an email from my mother with only a subject line message, "time to post of facebook girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Thank you mother for that subtle hint. lol. So, I bit the bullet a few minutes ago and just said it, "In honor of National Infertility Week, it makes me incredibly happy to share with you that after years of trying and hundreds of needles, I am in fact--pregnant! If everything goes well, Baby Cini will be arriving around Halloween! We couldn't be more terrified and excited all at the same time. :)" Hopefully that's not too obnoxious. 

So mother, now you can shout it to the rooftops...you're going to be a granny. :)

xoxo

Caligula

My sister has a fetish for baby names that started long before I started TTC.  Now instead of sending me lists and lists of names, she picks out her favorite name for the day and texts, emails, or calls me with the name. We started talking about Roman names since my husband has a love affair with history.

So the other day I decided that pumpkin is way too innocuous of a name for this little one inside of me that makes me want to hurl and gives me nightmare headaches. So, I affectionately named him Caligula (after a slightly off his rocker Roman Emperor). hee hee hee Believe me, I love my little Caligula. However as I near the conclusion of my fourth day of a constant excruciating headache, I would like my little Caligula to settle down these crazy hormones! I need some peace.

These are the things they don't share with you when they talk about glowing pregnant women! lol.

Hope all is well with you!

xoxo

Thankfully Ticked

Thankfully ticked pretty much describes how I feel this weekend. I am so ever grateful that I am still pregnant. My little plum still has a heartbeat and is still wiggling around inside of me. When I laid in my bed with tears streaming down my face, this was all I wanted. So, I'm thankful for this fact.

On the other hand, I am a little ticked too.

Today I hit twelve weeks which is the informal magical mark where normal fertile people feel comfortable telling everyone under the sun they are pregnant. Before Friday, I had planned to make a fun FB announcement to tell people beyond my inner circle. Obnoxious? Probably, but I feel like I have earned the right to be share my happiness. I thought I would throw something in there subtlety about IF to simply to make sure  that any hidden IFers out there didn't feel horrible. I digress.

Why does this make me ticked?

Part of me finally was settling into being pregnant and accepting that this might actually work. You know, like a normal person? However the bloody incident threw me right back into the world of uncertainty and superstition. For me the uncertainty makes me feel numb about the pregnancy. Knowing that I have to guard my heart tightly makes me shut off any of the happier emotions about the situation and puts me back in survival mode.

There's enough life in me left that this ticks me off! I hate that my infertility has robbed me of another happy moment and replaced it with fear. I'm holding off on making any announcements until I start feeling comfortable again.

So now I remain, thankful but ticked.

xoxo