Monday, December 9, 2013


Tonight I'm just a mess of tears.

Really it's not surprising that trying to figure out the logistics for having my cerclage done in two days sent me over the edge. Because in reality, there are a lot of things about this pregnancy that scare the crap out of me.

When I first found out I was possibly pregnant with twins, I had little expectation that the one empty sac would develop like the other sac in my uterus that had a small flicker of a heartbeat. Yet at eight weeks, both sacs showed healthy heartbeats with one measuring just two days behind the other which explained the empty sac during the first ultrasound.

The doctor did not congratulate me or smile like you would imagine. Instead he looked at me grimly and said, well this is going to be complicated. That comment pretty much set the tone for the onslaught of fear that ensued over the next three weeks. While I continued to be happy that I was pregnant, I feared the reality of carrying a twin pregnancy to term. And then, how the hell was I going to handle twins and a rowdy three year old? I wanted them, but I was very afraid. When you added in hurling and constant nausea, I was just a hot mess.

Things began to change for me once I talked to IVFlygirl. After all, she has two beautiful kiddos with the same genetics who were awesome babies and now toddlers. Along with my husband, she was the biggest influence on the calming of my fears on how I could handle adding twins to our family.

Between the regular OB and the perinatologists, I have had doctors appointments every other week of my pregnancy. Over this time I have had multiple discussions with both of them about having a cerclage placed. Because I am carrying twins, placing a preventative cerclage is different than a singleton. Essentially, the studies show that women with emergency cerclages in a multiple pregnancy fair worse than those without cerclages. The problem is that there is not data on cerclages with multiples which are preventative not emergent. After a lunch discussion between both doctors this week, they decided that they would offer me a cerclage. The perinatologist leans about 60/40 towards me getting a cerclage based upon my complicated past and current complex case.  My husband and I decided to go ahead and proceed with a cerclage as this is what our gut has been telling us all along.

My OB called me on the way home and has already scheduled me for the procedure on Thursday. Of course, having a three year old and no family around makes it slightly complicated for me to arrange childcare on short notice. My husband can not simply take a day off to help because of the military school he is attending. So I called people and figured most everything out until I realized E's Christmas program is on Friday. It's a small event in his classroom however I imagine him standing there looking around since he will be the only one without parents present. That image made me burst into tears. I haven't really stopped crying since.

Obviously, it's not just the fifteen minute program. It's my fear that I won't be able to carry these twins safely.



  1. I am sending good vibes your way.

    My situation is reversed from yours, but I thought I'd share anyway. I had my rescue cerclage with my twins at 20 weeks (cervix was 1.2 and funneling. Whee!). Bed rest until I delivered at 28 weeks.

    Fast forward to three years ago. Pg #2 with a singleton. Preventative cerclage placed-a much easier procedure and recovery, by the way. Went on to have a full term, after resting when I could while tending to two 3.5 year old toddlers, 10 pound newborn. It can be done, and I swear the preventative cerclage was a big reason for that. I also did the 17P shots from 16 weeks on.

    All my best to you!

  2. I can only imagine the stress of carrying twins given your last pregnancy. Are you going to do progesterone suppositories? In my vast quest for knowledge on the subject while on bed rest for #2 (since I didn't "qualify" for the shots) I think I recall reading that these are anecdotally better for twin pregnancy. Not sure about with a cerclage though.

    Best of luck on Thursday. I'll be thinking of you.

  3. You can do it - it will be complicated, but it will be sooo worth it. Having twins is tough, I'm not going to lie to you, but the time flies by and they are amazing. And if you think about it, if you're feeding one it's not that tough to feed two, change two, etc. It just takes another minute of your time. Of course, the minutes increase with age, but they entertain each other as they get older and I'm certain E will be an awesome big brother.

    Plus, it sounds like you have awesome docs - so you'll have the best knowledge and experience to guide you through the pregnancy.

    I think the preventative cerclage is the way to go, though I too am bummed out that you'll miss E's program. With the cerclage on Thursday and the program on Friday, would you still be able to go? If not, maybe one of the other parents could video it for you and you can watch it w/ E later?

    Thinking of you - sending prayers and positive thoughts your way.

  4. I can't imagine your nerves but I hope that this procedure brings some peace of mind. I love the idea of having someone record it for you if you can't be there. Wishing you luck and calm during your pregnancy. I've only done twins alone so far but I've had a friend do it with twins and two singles so it must be possible ;) Maybe E will be a great little helper with his new siblings. Best wishes and will keep following and rooting for you all.

  5. I had an emergency cerclage placed with singleton pregnancy #1 (at 16w6d) and no cerclage placed with singleton pregnancy #2 (because in the intervening 6 years the landscape and empirical data on the efficacy of cerclage had changed greatly). Even though my cervix shortened to 1.5cm with funneling at the interior OS (just as it had with my prior pregnancy, although at the time of cerclage placement it was 1.9cm), I carried my 9#5oz baby boy to term (39 weeks). I was monitored every week (at my request) from 6 wks to 30 weeks and we did start vaginal progesterone at 16 weeks.

    It was nerve wracking but after 26 weeks of strict bed rest with a cerclage and no bed rest without one, even though I had fear with both, I was able to live my life and care for my older son.

    I hope placement is smooth and that it brings you peace of mind for the remainder of your pregnancy.

  6. Oh Jen....I pray for peace for your heart. You are doing all you can and every pregnancy is different. I currently have a friend whose first two came early and a suprise 3rd pregnancy had her even more worried and now she is over due and freaked out about the fact that he will be twice as big as her other babies at birth. I will hold faith that your body will do it's job and you will carry these babies. But I also know there is fear. It is a tough battle....Hang in there. Come here for some support and build your support team around you to care for E and keep things going at home. Hugs.

  7. Jen: I have two sets of twins (one from egg donation and the other from embryo donation). I am an Active Duty Army health care provider also. I had bedrest and a cerclage with my boys (first set-they were born at Ft. Bragg). With the second set (girls were born last January at Bethesda) although I had shortening and funneling, they insisted on progesterone. I had bedrest at 20 weeks with my boys and worked until a week before my girls were born (at 32 weeks). The month before the girls were delivered. I put myself on half days. My suggestion to you as I had my twin boys by myself as my husband was at school, is to look into full daycare for the remainder of your pregnancy.. It was a life saver for me and it allowed me time to rest my body (even if I was just sitting in a chair seeing clients) without the stress of chasing after two toddlers. If you go into a hospital bed rest situation, it will give you peace of mind that E is already in a safe place where he is comfortable and Daddy can care for him at night. If you have a NICU situation, he can't come with you. Just something to think about. Please don't hesitate to contact me if you want to talk about the uniqueness of an Army situation. Best, Gabrielle

    1. Thanks for this Gabrielle. :) If my parents weren't coming next week to pretty much stay for the duration, I would put him in daycare full time just to be covered. Thankfully, they're both retired so they can come and stay. :) They're just not here yet!!! lol I've seen your comments before, but I never realized your situation. Do you blog somewhere?

    2. I used to...but with the two sets I never get anything up. We are moving from VA to Ft. Food next week and I retire in March. You can find me at